Raven and Crimson
by Confusion No Hime
Summary: An AU where Renji is in-love with his girlfriend's brother, Byakuya. CH-12: Final Chapter
1. Raven and Crimson

**Author Notes:** Well since I'm currently unemployed and this idea has been sitting in my head for quite some time now, I decided to finally drag my ass into writing it. This is my second ByakuyaXRenji fic but this will be the first time that I will write them with their POVs. Gah, I'm afraid they will a bit OOC but then, I tried my best.

Anyway, this is a side fic to my other fic 'Teal and Orange' which was about GrimmjowXIchigo. In that fic, Renji was secretly in love with his girlfriend's brother, Byakuya and their story will be told here, so it's not really necessary to check out 'Teal and Orange'.

I sure hope, you'll like this fic and please tell me what you think. Also, please NO flames.^^

**Summary: **Renji is secretly in love with his girlfriend's brother while Byakuya is secretly and grudgingly attracted to his sister's lover.

**Warnings:** This fic contains yaoi or maleXmale relationships, bad language, bad grammar (I tried my very best to spot and fix some errors.) and possible OOCness of characters so please don't complain about them being OOC, because they probably are.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Bleach, never will.

* * *

**Chapter One: **

**Raven and Crimson**

* * *

Abarai Renji

I once heard that no one dies a virgin, life fucks all of us. I wasn't technically a virgin but I did believe that life liked to fuck with me all the time.

My life was fucked, every aspect of it. I was born in a Mafia family called Seiretei. I wasn't the heir, Ichigo could have that fucking position for himself, but even so, I lived a life full of bodyguards, death threats and mind games. I didn't like this kind of life, but since destiny gave me this, I had no choice but to live with it.

My entire family was fucked. My parents were killed when I was five. They were ambushed by an enemy family and since then, I considered the Kurosakis, the head of the organization, as my family.

Heck, even my fucking love life was fucked. I was in love with my best friend and childhood friend, Kuchiki Rukia. She was an awesome girl, smart, pretty and she came from a famous and wealthy family. Everyone said I was lucky to have her and everything was oh, so perfect if only I hadn't met her brother.

I thought I would always be in love with Rukia.

I thought she was the one for me and shit like that.

But everything, everything changed when I first saw Kuchiki Byakuya, his brother, a famous business man, an ally of Seiretei, a man.

Of course I didn't know I got shot in the heart by some stupid cupid when Rukia introduced him to me, so my initial feelings towards the man were fear and annoyance. He had this fucking air of nobility and seriousness all around him that made me feel stiff and uncomfortable. I was somehow pissed at him but one day, when I woke up; I just fucking realized that my stupid shit of a heart was already beating for Kuchiki Byakuya.

Shit, I had it bad, really, really bad because I was supposed to be in love with Rukia, not with a man!

Not with his brother!

Fuck it! Does that mean I was gay?

Damn it all to hell!

I tried to restrain the feelings I had for him but sometimes, my body would just automatically move and the next thing I knew, I had already taken a picture of him through my phone which I always stare at every fucking night.

Fuck, I was doomed!

This strong emotion did not only turn me into gay, it also turned me into a fucking hopeless romantic.

I dreamed of him every night; yearn for him every second, wished to see him even though Rukia was in front of me. I felt guilty but I couldn't stop it.

I was fucking in love with my girlfriend's brother!

And so here I was, staring at his picture in my phone as I secretly watched him from a distance. Gazing at him as he gracefully walked towards the main door of the mansion to meet with the org's leader, his long raven hair waving gloriously behind him as the wind danced with every strand, his dark-gray eyes staring stoically at the door in front of him, gleaming with nothing but deep seriousness and his pale lips, closed in a thin line. I had never seen him smile before but still; he looked handsome or rather beautiful with his cold, blank face.

Shit, that sounded very girlish.

Fuck!

I slowly took a deep breath as I stared at him, probably with longing in my eyes.

"Why did I fall for you?" I whispered to myself.

Kuchiki Byakuya

I was known as emotionless, serious, stoic, a cold man by many people. No one really knew what I truly think or what I truly feel; I hid all of my emotions behind an expressionless mask ever since I inherited my family's estate and wealth.

To be a good leader, I strongly believed in rules. Your subordinates would only obey the rules you have set, if they saw their leader following it. I didn't want to be a good leader, but I believed in rules thus, I made sure I follow them at all times, regardless if it'll cause pain to other people. If I wanted people to obey and respect me, I had to teach them the importance of following rules.

I became distant to people because of that, even with my only sister, Rukia. We didn't speak to each other that much anymore though she still updated me with important things in her life such as her first lover.

It was a year ago when she requested me to meet the man who captured her heart. At first, I was against it. I was a very busy man and meeting with a mere student was just a waste of time for me, but then Rukia told me that her lover was a member of Seiretei, a large organization that I was trying to make business with.

For business sake, I granted her request and met the lucky man but… meeting him was a big mistake.

I strongly believed in self-control and calmness but all of my ideals, my beliefs, seemed to have burned in hell and was turned into ashes once I saw the man's long red hair and piercing crimson eyes. For the first time in my life, I felt desire surge through my soul like an arrow.

In that instant, I knew that Abarai Renji was not good for me.

He looked like a punk with those black tribal tattoos decorating his body, his crimson hair that was tied in a high pony tail and with his furrowed brows that probably gave the impression that he was a scary man.

I cursed myself as I wondered what did I see in this man to make me feel desire for him.

And he was a man…

That was the biggest issue.

I was probably attracted to a man.

For the first time in a long time, I wanted to run, escape from this man who was my sister's lover for I was scared of these foreign emotions awakened by him, but because I was Kuchiki Byakuya, I stayed and treated him the way I usually did with other people.

The conversation was only brief but it was strenuous. The man had this faint blush on his face and he acted idiotically as he spoke, his nervousness was apparent in his aura as he talked. I usually thought that people like that were dumb for they do not know how to carry themselves, but for some reason, I found him…adorable.

I must've been out of my mind to think of him that way.

That was a year ago but up until now, I still saw him as that… adorable yet wild… captivating.

I guess I was still out of my mind.

I instantly saw him as soon as I got out of my Mercedes. I just gave him a curt nod, acknowledging his presence as I strode towards the mansion. Rukia was now living with him in Seiretei's estate, but they have different rooms, of course. Also, my business relationship with his organization had strongly and quickly developed so I frequently had meetings with their leader at least three times a week. That left me with no choice but to see him every time I visit.

He just nodded in response and continued to watch me, my body stiffening under his gaze. I wished he would stop doing that or I could ask him why he had to stare, but I stopped myself and instead ignored him as if he didn't exist.

The large door instantly opened and I stepped inside, thankful that I had finally escaped from those deep crimson eyes.

Abarai Renji

"Hey, Renji." I heard Ichigo called behind me.

I quickly spun around and found my orange-haired cousin, walking up to me with his hands in his pockets, wearing his usual scowling face. "What's up, Ichigo?" I asked as I put my cell phone inside my pocket.

His brown eyes fell on the black Mercedes Benz parked in front of the mansion. "Byakuya's here again, huh?"

"Yeah." I replied as I started walking to go to the garden located at the right side of the estate.

Ichigo instantly followed. "He often drops by these days. I wonder what he was talking about with Yama-jii."

"I have no idea. Why do you care, by the way? I thought you have no plans to be the next heir." I said with a teasing grin.

"Shut up. I'm just curious, pineapple head." He shot back annoyingly.

I just chuckled and we both continued walking in silence until we reached the garden where Rukia was currently busy drawing one of her master pieces… at least to her they were masterpieces.

"Your brother's here, Rukia." I said once we approached here. I fought the urge to flinch when I saw that usual weird-looking rabbit called Chappy on her sketch pad. Really, could someone tell me why did I fall in love with her?

She looked up from her paper, her dark eyes sparkling in excitement. "Really? Then I should say hi to him." She chirped then stood up and grabbed my arm, pulling me away from Ichigo.

I gave Ichigo a panicked look as she dragged me, my eyes doing movements that told the orange-head to 'Help me', but said orange-haired bastard just looked back then shrugged with a teasing smirk.

"Come on, do I really have to go with you?" I complained. It wasn't that I didn't want to greet his brother; it was just that, I didn't want to go near him. I didn't want to lose my control and act like an idiot, especially these days that my attraction for him was getting stronger.

"Of course, you idiot! As a good boyfriend, you have to show him respect right?" She reasoned.

"But I don't wanna be a good boyfriend right now." I said lazily which earned me a punch in the stomach.

"Say that one more time and I will kill you." She threatened with a death glare. If people only knew that Kuchiki Rukia was not really a gentle and soft person.

I scowled at her but after a few seconds; I let out a resigned sigh. "Alright, alright."

We got inside the mansion and went to the waiting room, where Byakuya would most likely stay to wait for whoever it was that he needed to meet. She knocked on the door and carefully opened it. I silently took a deep breath, readying myself, as we stepped inside and found her brother sitting on the brown leather couch with his legs crossed and his arms over his chest.

Byakyuya cocked his head to the side and looked at us.

Rukia immediately smiled and bowed. "It's nice to see you again, nii-sama." She greeted politely.

Her brother just nodded in response. "How have you been doing?" He asked once we sat at the couch across from him.

"I'm doing great. I'm glad you dropped by."

"I needed to discuss an important matter with Urahara Kisuke. Unfortunately, the maid said he hasn't arrived yet."

I just watched and listened as they exchanged words, my heart threatening to jump out of my chest as I tried my best to look casually at him.

Damn, it was hard.

This was why I didn't want to be near him.

"I think it'll take him an hour before he arrives here. Do you want us to keep you company, nii-sama?" My girlfriend politely offered with a serene smile.

Byakuya closed his eyes. "That wouldn't be necessary, Rukia." He replied stoically.

"Oh, okay nii-sama, but please, allow me to make a cup of tea for you." She offered once again, this time with a hopeful smile.

Her brother finally opened his eyes and looked at her. "That would be nice." He agreed.

The smile on her face widened then she nodded. She then looked at me, her eyes sparkling like diamonds as she faced me. "Please stay with nii-sama, Renji." She said then stood up.

I gaped at her, panic suddenly welling up inside me as she went for the door.

Don't leave! Don't leave me with your brother, Rukia!

The door closed and I was finally, I mean unfortunately alone with him.

She could've asked me to come with her but no! I knew she had this stupid I-want-you-to-be-closer-to-my-brother-idea in her head and she definitely thought this was the perfect chance to carry that out.

I closed my mouth and tried to calm myself. I slowly looked at him and wasn't surprised to see him looking as composed and calm as ever. Unfortunately, I mean, fortunately, his eyes were fixed at the flower vase located on the center table.

Man, I should really stop acting like an idiot.

I swallowed hard and thought of something, something to say to him for the silence was slowly killing me but nothing came to mind.

Well, we could talk about sports… but dammit! Did he even play one? Shit, stupid idea! We could talk about his hobbies. I heard he liked Calligraphy and tea-making but what the fuck am I gonna ask about that? I didn't even like those boring things! What else, we could talk about his girlfriends! Yes, that was a great idea! I could finally know if he was or is involved with someone then I—

Wait a goddamn second!

Asking about his love life?

What would that fucking make me?

Argh! Stupid ide--

"Renji." He suddenly said.

I almost jumped from my seat, shocked. "Y-yes, Kuchiki-dono?" I asked stupidly, my mind suddenly blank.

"Is your relationship with Rukia doing well?" He inquired.

Well? Of course, it was! It was doing well because I always tried my best to hide my real emotions from her! She would be fucking pissed once she finds out that I was gay and I'm in love with you!

"Yeah, of course." I replied with a nervous chuckle.

He just nodded at that then closed his eyes as if he was contemplating or something. He looked at me once he opened them again and I felt my heart stop as those dark orbs bore a hole through my soul.

Fuck, please stop looking at me like that!

"Then, would you like to assist me in some affairs I need to accomplish?" He then asked.

My jaw dropped open, eyes wide and breath caught in my throat as I gawked at him.

Did he just fucking ask me to work for him?

* * *

**Author Notes:** So that was it. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Man, Byakuya is so hard to write so if you have any tips on how to write him, please tell me. I would really appreciate it, do it in a nice way though.^^

Also, please tell me what you think. Should I still continue this or just abandon this idea forever and ever? Waaahhh!

Anyhow, thank you very much for reading!^^

**Next Chapter:** Byakuya asks himself as to why he asked Renji to work with him. The red-head accepted the offer and the attraction grew stronger.


	2. Confusion

**Author Notes:** Hello, minna~! CNH here and I would like to thank all the people who read, reviewed, favorite and alerted this fic. I'm so happy because it did pretty well and since I'm somehow finished with my GrimmIchi fics, I decided to focus more on my ByaRen fics. YAY! Also, because Mizuki Assassin of the Mist and Tristana told me to not abandon this fic so here it is, an update.^^

I just hope you'll like this. Please tell me what you think just don't FLAME me!

**Thank You:** _Shiraihime Fuyuki / shillanna / Ruyu-san / Gaaralover1989 / rayvendeb / Harasuka / kriskascini / Black Lighted Clouds / Nosferatu523 / Mizuki Assassin of the Mist / kindred-swordswoman1 / ZabimaruXZangetsu / ???????????? / tristana / Crazychilli / morgannita / Rosa Mar / Addictedreader09 / akatsukiixdeixhi / AlcoholicTree / articwolfes / Ingrey / rihanna86 / silvey115._

**Warnings:** This fic contains yaoi or boyxboy love, bad language and possible OOCness of characters particularly on Byakuya's part so please don't complain about him being OOC because I warned you. However, I'm trying my best to keep them in character, especially Byakuya 'coz he's my favorite.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bleach.

* * *

**Chapter Two: **

**Confusion**

* * *

Renji Abarai

"Really?" Rukia exclaimed as soon as I told her about Byakuya's request, her black eyes shimmering in happiness.

I think this was the part which people could call 'The-start-of-a-good-relationship-between-my-brother-and-my-boyfriend' thingy and I didn't like it simply because I probably wanted it to be 'The-start-of-a-good-and-intimate-relationship-with-me-and-my-girlfriend's-brother'.

She eagerly turned to her brother, a very wide smile present on her pretty face as she bowed. "Thank you for giving Renji a chance, nii-sama."

Her brother just nodded quietly in reply then sipped his tea.

Seriously, I didn't think this was a good idea. First, I'm too young to handle complicated stuff like controlling a business. Second, I hate working with people older than me and third… come on, isn't the third reason already obvious?

I fought the urge to sigh in distress as I watched my girlfriend in her time of utter joy.

Byakuya Kuchiki

Urahara Kisuke arrived shortly after Rukia and her lover excused themselves. As usual, we talked about business and my intentions of having Renji Abarai, a member of Seiretei, help me with some affairs between my company and their organization.

Frankly speaking, I never intended to make a proposition like that towards the other man. At that moment, wherein I was left alone with him, my lips just moved without my consent and uttered those words. I could've taken it back if I wanted to, but I remembered that I, Byakuya Kuchiki, does not retract any statements or promises I had made.

Somehow, I wanted to blame myself for committing that mistake. Being near that fiery person was dangerous for me. I should've avoided him but I couldn't bring myself to.

I stepped out of my car after a thirty-minute drive from the Seiretei mansion, a couple of thoughts already occupying my somewhat tired mind. I knew I needed to unwind or rest, just like what Rukia and my secretary said, but there were a lot of things needed to be done. The front door to my house automatically opened and I was greeted by a female servant. I just nodded in response when I heard her greeting and entered. I went directly to the stair case to go to my quarters, secretly worried.

…

…

…

What have I done?

Renji Abarai

Ichigo was eyeing ridiculously at me when I went out of my room. I couldn't blame him though, it wasn't everyday that people could see me wearing a business suit. I knew I looked goddamn weird in it but why did they have to stare at me as if I have boogers hanging on my nose? "The fuck are you looking at?" I said irritatingly as I glared at Ichigo.

Said orange-head broke into fits of laughter at my reaction. "Nothing. You just look weird… like a red pineapple dressed in a nice suit." He teased.

"Shut the fuck up! I wouldn't be wearing this shit if I didn't have to meet Byakuya!" I shot back then walked away to avoid my stupid cousin. Seriously, I was running late or my appointment with Rukia's brother and I was wasting precious time talking to Ichigo. I walked faster in an attempt to shake him off but the goddamn bastard wouldn't budge.

Ichigo smirked as he tried to catch up. "I bet you're happy now that you get to be near him as often as you can."

I immediately stopped and spun around to glare at him. "Say that one more time and I'm gonna fucking tell the family about your beloved Las Noches bastard!"

To all people who had no idea what the hell is Las Noches, it was just Seiretei's ultimate enemy family and yes, Ichigo's lover was a member of that family.

…

…

…

Yeah, we're both fucked at this point in our lives… falling for people we weren't supposed to fall in love with.

Ichigo finally shut his mouth and rolled his eyes in annoyance."Whatever." He muttered then left, finally leaving me alone.

A smirk crossed my lips at his reaction and I finally continued to walk my way towards the front door. A black Jaguar was waiting outside when I got out of the mansion and no, I'm not gonna drive the neat thing. I would just get on the back seat, make myself comfortable and watch as Shuuhei, Byakuya's driver, get his hands all over that beautiful vehicle. I blame it on the fact that Yama-jii didn't want us to fucking learn how to drive.

"Good morning, Abarai-sama." The dark-haired man greeted as he opened the door for me.

I sighed. "No need to be too formal, Hisagi-san. As you know, I'm not used to it." I replied and got on the car.

He just smirked in response before he closed the door and got on the driver's seat, feeling more nervous than before.

Byakuya Kuchiki

Disappointingly, my heart leaped inside my chest when my secretary informed me of Renji's arrival and it threatened to break out of my body when the said man walked into my office with a timid awkward smile. He was clad in a business suit that made him look attractively strange. Suddenly, I had this strong urge to just look at him and admire his appearance, but of course, I knew I couldn't do that. "Please have a seat, Renji." I commanded with my usual normal voice, looking straight at him with my usual stoic façade.

The red-haired wonder nodded slowly. "Yeah, thanks." He said and strode towards the seat in front of my desk.

"Would you like me to prepare some tea, Kuchiki-sama?" My secretary offered with a small smile.

"Yes, please." I answered as I straightened myself on my chair.

The young woman bowed her head and quietly left the room. It was then that I felt the unmistakable twinge of tension burn inside my gut and I was just looking at the man in front of me. "Since you came here, I take it that you're ready to accept my proposition." I said, ignoring the strain I was feeling inside my body.

Another awkward smile graced his lips. "Y-yeah, I'll try my best. Just tell me what I need to do." He replied, his voice rough and deep, yet inept at the same time that made me suddenly think of what would he sound like if I would—

Wait!

…

…

…

What was I thinking?

I mentally shook myself and tried to clear my straying thoughts. I should focus on business since that was the reason we were having this conversation. "Well then, I have a couple of possible clients, here in Japan as well as in Europe. I would like you to help me close a deal with them."

Renji Abarai

I blinked.

Was he asking me to do real big stuff with him?

"R-really?" I asked stupidly.

"Yes." He calmly replied. "If you're going to be Rukia's future husband, training you to handle our family's estate should be done now while you are young."

My jaw dropped open. What the fuck was he saying? Didn't he know that he was slowly squashing my heart because of what he was saying? Fuck that! I had no plans of marrying Rukia! "W-wait a minute! D-don't you think it's too early for us to think of that? I mean, I'm only eighteen, so is Rukia!" I reasoned.

He just looked at me for a moment and I felt regret flooding over me as I realized what I just said. He must've thought that I wasn't serious with his sister. Then, a single eye brow rose in disappointment.

Fuck! Did he just do that?

"You don't wish to be married to Rukia?" He asked in a cold voice.

"N-no! That's not what I mean! I do love Rukia but I just couldn't see myself being with her in the future… yet." I answered nervously.

His arched brow finally went back to its normal position but my torture didn't end there. "Tell me, Renji. Are you in love with someone else?" He asked so straight-forwardly it scared the shit out of me. Well, I guess you had to expect that from a man like Byakuya Kuchiki.

I swallowed hard as my thoughts scrambled around my head. How the fuck was I supposed to answer that?

"Well… I…" I stuttered as I clenched my fists, trying my best to keep my cool and calm down but it was hard, hard when he was staring at me with those piercing cold eyes of his.

It was so hard to answer that question when he was the reason why I don't love Rukia anymore.

As if my sanity had finally escaped me, my heart started to play a frantic beat and my body suddenly moved on its own. I felt my body standing up from my chair, my feet slowly approaching his desk, my hands reaching for his face, and a spark of shock gleam in his dark-gray eyes as I smashed our lips together.

…

…

…

Shit.

* * *

**Author Notes:** Errr… do you think that was cruel? I know it was a short update but I didn't want to write Byakuya's reaction yet and that's because I want to ask you guys about how do you think will Byakuya react to that. I have my idea on that of course, but I think knowing your opinions would be nice. So, please tell me. Read, review and no flames please! Also, please don't kill me or cut my hands. I know ByaRen is not my strong point but I'm slowly working on it, okay?

Well, till next time! –runs off to hide from knives being thrown by angry readers-


	3. Broken reuploaded

**Author Notes:** Okay, guys I re-did this chapter 'coz I fucking noticed that I made a big mistake. The first chapter three I posted was wrong and was so different from the scene in 'Teal and Orange'! I'm really, really sorry guys! Please read this chapter 'coz you will never understand chapter four if you will not read this. Well, it's still the same but the ending is different. Please tell me what you think and thanks to those people who reviewed the first chapter three.^_^

**Thank You to:** shillanna, Rihanna86, tristana, Mizuki Assassin of the Mist, HikaIta, x pink cloud x, Black Lighted Clouds, Boogermeister, CrystalPrison, Hatake Tsughi, kindred-swordswoman1 and emyxogats.

**Warnings:** This fic contains yaoi or boyxboy themes, bad language, sexual geaphical scenes and some OOCness on some of the characters.

**Disclaimer:** Bleach isn't mine.

* * *

**Chapter Three:**

**Broken**

* * *

Byakuya Kuchiki

The first thing that registered to me was softness. Renji's lips were surprisingly soft and when he forcefully slipped his tongue inside my mouth, the next thing that registered to me was sweetness.

He was kissing me.

I knew he was kissing me and I knew it was inappropriate but still… I couldn't find the strength to pull away from him. It was like he sucked all of the energy out of my body and turned my mind into mush. I didn't do anything, didn't move and didn't even breathe. I just sat there with wide eyes as he licked my bottom lip for the last time and slowly pulled away. His crimson eyes glazed with passion and confusion, his face flushed and serene.

Why did he do that?

Why did he have that kind of expression?

Why did he look at me with those eyes that said…?

"What are you doing?" I heard myself ask flatly, the controlled part of myself automatically kicking in.

As if he just woke up from a trance, he immediately jumped away from me; a lost confused expression suddenly marring his face.

Renji Abarai

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

OH SHIT!

"I… I…" I didn't know what to say, how to explain myself. All I knew was that I couldn't believe that I just kissed him! What the fuck was I thinking? Nice question. Nothing! I was definitely not using my brain when I did that!

Fuck!

I just felt my heart beat fast a while ago and my body moved on its own and reached for him. My mind was just fucking blank at that time because of this strong and constrained emotions I forcefully locked up inside of me. My heart had obviously reached its limit and had decided to act on its own and control everything in me.

Shit!

I tried to look at him and was not even shocked to see that there was no expression on his face, not even a small smirk! Nothing! I looked at the floor and fidgeted like an idiot, face red in shame and regret.

"I'm sorry!" I blurted since I didn't know what to say. "I-I'm sorry!"I turned around and ran for the door. Leaving was the only option I could think of to save myself from his wrath. Though he didn't show it to his face, I knew that he was mad, no make that hate. Oh fuck, I just ruined everything! How the fuck would I face him again? What if he tells Rukia about this? How the fuck am I gonna explain myself to her?

No, leaving his office to save myself was not enough of a solution.

Maybe I should kill myself!

Yes, that was the only thing I could do!

My feet brought me in front of the elevator and I immediately pressed the _down_ button. I probably looked like a goddamn idiot, if the weird looks I was getting from the people around me was any indication but I didn't give a damn. I had to get out of there!

"Abarai."

I felt death lurked upon me when I heard that cold, familiar voice… and that person called me by my last name.

Shit, I was really fucked.

I swallowed hard and composed myself. I had to face him although he would probably punch me in the face. I was about to turn around when the elevator door opened, then I felt myself being pushed inside and was now facing a mirrored wall. I felt my breath caught up in my throat as I saw the expressionless visage of Byakuya Kuchiki standing behind me.

"Explain yourself, Renji Abarai." He said.

…

Someone kill me now.

Byakuya Kuchiki

A flash of horror crossed his face. There was also desperation and shame. I didn't mean to follow him but I wanted answers. I wanted to know why he did that despicable yet… nice thing. I waited for him to show any reaction and I was feeling a little impatient so I called his name again. "Abarai."

He took a deep breath, turned around and tried to look at me. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I just kinda did… I don't know why but I just felt my body move and you know, oh shit. I'm really sorry." He tried to explain.

"Why would you want to do that? You do know that I'm Rukia's brother and we are both men."I continued to demand.

He just looked at me then slapped his forehead with his palm, suddenly looked irritated. Then, his lost eyes suddenly glared at me with this fierceness and pain that I couldn't comprehend. "Look, I know I fucking screwed up but isn't it obvious, the reason why I suddenly kissed you?" He replied… with a question… that I didn't really know or want to answer.

I actually had an idea but I didn't want that idea to be the answer.

_That_ must never be the answer.

"You tell me." I answered coldly.

He closed his eyes and heaved a very deep sigh. "I'm in love with you."

…

…

…

Shit.

Okay, I think I'm allowed to curse in my head once in a while, right?

As the well-controlled and calm person that I am, I just looked at him as if I was unaffected by his words… though deep inside I was immensely confused, hurting and a little pleased. My emotions were just so wrong.

He kept looking at me, waiting for a reaction.

"I'd like for us to forget that you didn't tell me that and so was the incident in my office." I told him then turned around. That was the right thing to do.

Renji Abarai

Every single word that came out of his mouth struck me like a dagger, penetrating deeply into my chest. I didn't want to tell him the truth because I knew something like this was gonna happen, but I had no fucking choice. I had to confess what I feel for him or else I would forever be a slave of this hopeless, one-sided love. I expected the pain but I didn't expect it to be this painful, like someone just ripped my heart out and ground it to dust.

I just stared at him, at his back as he waited for the goddamn elevator to open and suddenly, I was thinking of crying. A man like me was strong. I knew I shouldn't cry but…

_Ding._

The door opened and…

"I believe I have to retract my proposition, Renji." He said before he went out of the elevator. People came rushing in as soon as he stepped out, giving me weird looks as I stood there looking at his fading back.

---

"You're an ass." Ichigo told me as we secretly drank beer in my room. Fortunately, I was able to sneak it from the kitchen before I went up from that fucking appointment. Ichigo noticed my pathetic face, decided to bug me about it and did a great job at it.

"I fucking know that already." I muttered irritably then gulped my can of beer, hoping that the alcohol would drown my misery, but it didn't. If anything, it only made the shitty feeling in my chest grew stronger.

"You should've stopped yourself from kissing him."Ichigo lectured before drinking his beer.

"Shut the fuck up, you stupid Strawberry! I can exactly tell you the same thing since you're still having that forbidden relationship with that Grimmjow guy and he's a goddamn enemy!" I spat bitterly. Yeah, I was fucking bitter because even though Ichigo was in love with the enemy, at least that bastard loved him back.

Shit, I felt so pathetic.

As I wallow myself in misery, I felt something hard hit me in my forehead. I looked up and realized that my cousin threw an empty beer can at me. It wasn't painful or anything but it did irritate me. "What the fuck did you do that for?" I growled and threw my not-empty beer can at him.

He managed to evade it but he lost his balance and ended up lying on the floor. "You're spacing out, you fucktard!" He shot back then stood up. "Look, you have to get over him. Be pathetic and miserable tonight and forget about him and what happened tomorrow. It's clear that your feelings are one-sided. You'll just hurt yourself more if you continue in keeping those feelings for him." He said with a little gentleness and concern in his voice.

I just looked at him, contemplating. He was right. I could drown myself in pain tonight but I had to move on. I had to kill this stupid feeling for him and focus on Rukia instead. That was what I should be doing, anyway. But, could I really do that? Could I really forget him and my feelings for him that easily?

I closed my eyes and smirked. "Fuck off. I don't need your lecturing."I responded though deep inside, I was thankful that I had someone whom I could share my sadness with.

I had to forget him… no matter what. That was the right thing to do.

Byakuya Kuchiki

Rukia's wide eyes pierced through me as I told her of my decision. Clearly, she was sad and disappointed but she was also confused as to why I changed my mind into having her beloved lover as my apprentice.

I just gave him a stoic look, my cold eyes forbidding her to ask further questions.

"Nii-sama, did something happen?" She still asked, ignoring my silent warning.

Yes, your lover kissed me and confessed his love to me when he was supposed to be in love with you.

"Nothing and I don't wish to discuss the reasons with you, Rukia." I flatly replied before looking at a thick pile of documents laid on my desk. "You can go now." I commanded before completely ignoring her.

She just quietly stood for a moment then bowed her head and quietly left, uttering a low 'good night' before closing the door behind her.

All the tension and pressured that had built inside me was released with a weary sigh as I dropped my elbows on the table and rested my face on my palms. If anyone would see me like that, they would probably think I was not me.

I knew my sister was disappointed but I couldn't find the strength in myself to tell her that her lover was in-love with me which was very unlikely of me. I would normally do the right thing—telling her about Renji's confession was definitely the right thing to, whether it would hurt her or not, but this time. I just couldn't do it. I guess, unconsciously, I had allowed myself to wait for Renji to make the first move.

I palmed my face to wake myself up and paused when my fingertips touched my lips. In an instant, a certain chill ran down my spine and excitement welled-up inside me as that certain part of my body remembered how Renji's soft lips felt against mine.

I immediately stood up, eyes wide in slight horror, disgusted at myself for having that kind of emotion which I shouldn't have. Rubbing my lips with the back of my hand, I went to a small table in the corner of my office, took a wine bottle and opened it, pouring a generous amount of the dark alcohol in a glass.

Maybe a little drink would help me settle my feelings.

RENJI ABARAI

Three days had already passed since I last saw him. Byakuya never went to the estate, they said he was on some business trip and that was proven by Rukia. Three days had passed and all I could feel was this ugly pain in my chest, the heavy burden of hopelessness and the strong urge to see him again. I just stared blankly at the ceiling, thinking about him and the events of that one day where everything started and ended.

Trying to make my relationship work with Rukia was like a fucking joke, it was no use to keep up with it when I knew I wasn't happy and Rukia was feeling the same as well. She knew there was something wrong with me and she started bugging me about it. She started accusing me of having an affair or being in love with someone else. Fuck Rukia! I AM in love with someone else and it's your goddamn brother but I can't tell you 'coz that's just fucking twisted!

I slapped my cheek and rubbed my entire face with my hands. Sleeping was such a hard thing to do these days. It was already 12 midnight but I was still wide awake and the sudden noise of men outside my window was bugging me. I groaned annoyingly, stood up and went to the door to find out what was the ruckus about.

Byakuya Kuchiki

I was already in bed and it was already twelve midnight when I received a call from one of my associate, Yoruichi Shihouin. What she told me was unpleasant news so I needed to immediately go to the Seiretei's mansion.

I arrived there in fifteen minutes. I hurriedly yet composedly got out of my car and was accompanied to the conference room wherein most members of the family were present… even Renji. As the cold and collected man that I was, I purposefully acted as if he didn't exist although deep inside, there was this strong force screaming inside me to look at him. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked towards the reason why I had to go to Seiretei. Urahara was seated in a long sofa together with Yoruichi who was currently bandaging his wounded arm. Yoruichi had said that Urahara was ambushed by our enemy as he was about to come back to the estate. Fortunately, all he got was a minor injury but a couple of his men were terribly hurt. Surely, the enemy was already on their move to annihilate the organization.

I took the vacant seat across Isshin Kurosaki, the family's heir. Conversations about the current incident had started and a short disturbance had occurred when Ichigo Kurosaki, Seiretei's next heir arrived late. The serious discussion continued for more than an hour before Yamamoto had asked everyone to retire for the evening. Through it all, I appeared distant towards Renji though his silent presence continued to shake and destroy every ounce of my strong self-control. The irritating strong force was still haunting me to glance at Renji, the man I was not supposed to harbor strong feelings with.

"Byakuya, I will greatly appreciate it if you will stay here for the night." Yamamoto requested politely.

I never liked staying in other people's houses but this was one request that I had a hard time refusing… for some reason. "Thank you for your kind hospitality." I said with a nod.

RENJI ABARAI

Just when I thought that my evening was not gonna get any worse, it had because of fucking Ichigo who sneaked out to meet up with his Las Noches bastard. The motherfucker denied it when I confronted him when we were on our way to our bedrooms, but I knew he was lying. I knew that he was up to something bad and I have to know what it is.

Lettig out a long sigh, I exhaustedly opened the door to my room and went inside. I instantly flopped myself onto my bed and closed my eyes, trying to sleep, but it was still impossible… not when I knew that Byakuya was staying here in the estate for the entire night.

My heart was continuously beat up into a bloody pulp when I saw him in the conference room a while ago, when he didn't even looked at me, when he didn't even speak a word to me, when he acted as if I was not there. It was fucking painful and I wished I could run away from there, but I couldn't… not when Rukia and the entire family was there… not when Urahara and a couple of members in the organization was badly hurt.

Sliding my eyes open, a stupid idea suddenly crossed my fucked-up head.

…

…

…

I wanted to see him.

Shit! That was not what I must do but that was what my heart wanted to do! My fucking useless of a brain didn't even disagree with my stupid heart and the next thing I knew I was already going out of my room to go to the guest rooms.

* * *

**Author Notes:** Okay, so that's it. Not much of a major change in this chapter, but it will change the whole course of the next chapter. I'll be uploading chapter four within this week so please watch out for it.

As for my GrimmIchi fic titled "My Inspiration", I'm sorry but it seems that I have fatal writer's block with that fic 'coz no matter how hard I try to write the second chapter I just couldn't! Sorry! TT_TT Not that I'm getting tired of GrimmIchi, it's my OTP but for some reason, my mind is not working for GrimmIchi right now. Hopefully, I'll be cured of my goddamn writer's block for this pairing one of these days and will finally get to write the next chapter.

Anyway, please tell me what you think and thanks for reading~!^_^


	4. Almost

**Author notes:** Haha, told you I'll update within this week! So, I had a minor problem with chapter three and had to re-upload it because the scenes didn't match with the related events on 'Teal and Orange'. Thanks for reading and reviewing that chapter and if you failed to read the new one, you'll probably get confused in reading this chapter so please read chapter three if you haven't done that yet. Okay, I'm blabbering again, sorry!

I hope you enjoy this chapter and please tell me what you think.^^

**Thank you to:** Violent Dance, CrystalPrison, HikaIta, Black Lighted Clouds, x pink cloud x, Mizuki Assassin of the Mist, rihanna86, isamu-michi, Zainab, Byakuya-Renji, Hatake Tsughi and shillanna.

**Warnings:** This fic contains yaoi or boyxboy themes, bad language, sexual graphical scenes and possible OOCness of some characters so don't complain 'coz you've been warned.

**Disclaimer:** If I own Bleach, all my favorite characters will be doing each other like rabbits, LOL.

* * *

**Chapter Four:**

**Almost**

* * *

RENJI ABARAI

There were six guest rooms in the house; two of them were currently used by Byakuya and his right hand man. Searching for his room was like committing suicide, I'll die whether I'll find his room or not. I stopped on the first door to the left and with a deep breath, I opened it but no one was there. I quietly closed the door and went to the other door on the right, it was vacant as well. I tried the two other doors and found that it was also fucking vacant and stared dreadfully at the two doors at the end of the hall. Byakuya is in one of those rooms and so was this Hisagi guy. I had to choose the right door 'coz if not, I would have to fucking explain to his right hand man as to why I was knocking on his door!

Left or right?

Hmmm…

Maybe I should take left… Well, my instincts are telling me that he was in there but what if…

I looked hesitantly at the door on my right.

…_what if he was in there?_

I took a very deep breath and cursed myself. Fuck it, my instincts were telling me to go to the left so I had to follow it! I immediately strode towards the door on the left, raised my hand to knock on the door and got the surprise of my fucked-up life when said door suddenly opened.

"B-Byakuya…" I choked as I stared directly at cold, dark violet eyes.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

I was certain I heard noises outside my room before I lay down on my bed. Wondering what it was, I went for the door to see and was dumbfounded by the sight that greeted me. People rarely see a surprised expression on my face. My outstanding self-control had allowed me to conceal my real emotions even though I was really shocked, afraid or too happy. But this time…

"A-Abarai…" His name slipped out of my mouth just like how my real emotions escaped from my self-control.

The red head was standing there and uttered my name as well. His wide crimson eyes plainly reflecting the same emotion that I currently have. With self-control suddenly taking over, I pulled myself together and put on my usual mask. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

He gasped, almost jumped out of his skin and looked at the floor, fidgeting. "W-well, I'm sorry to disturb you, Byaku—I mean Kuchiki-san but I…" He looked at me with eyes so confused and full of pain. "I wanted to see you… and talk to you."

I just looked at him calmly, though deep inside a storm of restrained emotions was already brewing, struggling to break free. "It is way too late and too early to talk with you at this time, Abarai." I told him in a cold voice.

"I know!" He immediately responded, as if he will die if I closed the door on him. "But I… really need to talk to you about what happened the other day."

The look of desperation and sadness on his strong yet beautiful face surged through my defense like a nuclear bomb, slowly destroying the protective walls I've built around myself and my heart. I felt my chest suddenly play a frantic beat that all I could hear was its deafening sound along with Renji's deep voice.

This was not a good situation.

"I've already forgotten about that. Now, if you will excuse me, I wish to rest now." I automatically said and pushed the door forward to close it.

He immediately blocked it with half of his body and looked even more desperately at me, his crimson eyes boring right through my soul. "Please, I beg you. I know I'm acting like a fucking lunatic doing this crazy thing but I have something to ask you." He said, his crimson eyes imploring.

I just looked unemotionally at him for a moment. Silently taking a very deep breath, I said, "Very well. You have five seconds."

A spark of joy briefly flashed from his eyes then his brows furrowed in determination. "What do you feel about me?"

I couldn't stop myself from widening my eyes in shock. Those were the words I didn't want to hear… ever from him because if I did, then…

I continued to gaze at him, still expressionless, though deep inside my emotions were running out of control. I might be a robot for still being this stoic despite the emotional distress I was suffering internally. "I don't feel anything from you." The words seemed to fluidly come out of my mouth which was really unusual when I knew that that was not what I wanted to say.

…

…

…

What the hell was I thinking?

I really wanted to say that because I needed to… It was the right thing to say at that moment.

"I don't have any special feelings towards you, Abarai Renji."

RENJI ABARAI

All I felt when I saw him was pain and this fucked-up love that was begging to be free. I asked that embarrassing question because I was desperate to know about his feelings for me. I knew that the possibility of him dumping me was 100 percent but I couldn't stop myself from hoping that somehow, he feels something for me, even just a little bit.

I really did try to forget him, I fucking tried my best to stop my real emotions for him but it was impossible, so fucking impossible! I didn't care if he would punch me in the face or kill me; I just wanted to let everything out. I just wanted to tell him that I am madly in love with him. I was uncontrollable now, so was my heart, mind and soul.

But now that I knew his answer, why is it that I still feel hopeful?

The words slowly punctured my heart like a fucking dagger, languidly killing me. Though tears threatened to fall from my eyes, I tried my fucking hardest to smirk. "You… you're saying that because of Rukia, right?"I said, acting like an arrogant jerk that has not just been dumped. I wasn't thinking when I said that. It just came out of my mouth and it seemed to trigger a certain reaction from his stoic face.

Byakuya's brows were slightly creased in annoyance.

Did I hit a nerve? Did he feel angry because what I said a while ago was true and he was denying it? Or maybe he just didn't want to involve his sister in this?

"You don't want to hurt her so you're dumping me. You think this is ridiculous because we're both men and you choose to hide what you really feel because you think this is wrong." I continued, feeling a little confident.

He just stayed quiet, continued to look at me with a hint of impatience in his dark violet eyes. Suddenly, he spoke. "Are you implying that I am not honest with my true emotions and that I am also in-love with you?"

For some reason, I suddenly felt my heart jump when I heard how his voice sounded. "Yes." I quietly replied. "You know, you can't blame me for being like this fucking mess that I am right now because I didn't choose to fall in love with you." I continued as I stepped forward and let myself inside his room. I raised my hand and touched his beautiful pale face which was surprisingly warm even though he was known as a cold, emotionless person, my heart beating erratically from too many emotions. "I really love you, Byakuya."I whispered expressively.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

I was sure I heard crashing sounds inside my head when I heard those words. After that, only a deafening silence that suddenly drove me insane, and the next thing I knew, I had already encircled my hand on Renji's wrist that was touching my face and pulled him towards me, connecting our lips together.

I rarely gave in to temptation or to anything that was not appropriate. What I was doing now was definitely a sin but all doubts, fears and control disappeared like smoke when I tasted those sweet lips that haunted me in my dreams for countless of days and evenings.

RENJI ABARAI

Fuck!

Did he just…

I felt his tongue slip inside my mouth and I was fucking certain that he was kissing me. I had no idea what exactly was happening. For all I knew, this might be a fucking dream but I didn't bother comprehending the current situation. I immediately wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed back, with the same ardor and passion he had in his wonderful kisses.

He wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling our bodies together and kicked the door close. Fuck it, I was probably dreaming. There was no way that Byakuya would kiss me. There was no way that Byakuya would close the door by kicking it. There was no fucking way that Byakuya would push me against the wall and would press his lips and body tighter against mine.

Yeah, I was fucking dreaming and I didn't want to wake up.

I tangled my shaking fingers in his hair and pulled him closer if it was still possible, hoping that I wouldn't wake up in the middle of this fantasy.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

I still couldn't believe that I pushed him against the wall and pressed our bodies together. My mind was hazy and heat was coursing through my veins like wild fire, threatening to destroy what little sanity I had left inside my head. I had never kissed anyone like this before in my life and it still amazed me as to how Renji's lips and scent can turn me into a mindless fool that only think of real love and desire.

This person kissing back was so not me.

This person enjoying this sin was so not me.

This person hurting his sister was so not me.

I was sorry that I had hurt Rukia for giving in to my real feelings towards the man she loves but it was too late, every fiber of my being had already surrendered to this forbidden love and desire.

Lips hungrily touched, tongues lustfully lashed and teeth clashed as we kissed and tasted each other with our famished mouths. Heat and desire heightening as Renji's hand slid down on my back and took hold of my—

_Bam! Bam! Bam!_

"Kuchiki-sama."

RENJI ABARAI

The sudden interruption made Byakuya push himself away from me, a surprised expression present on his beautiful face. He just gazed at me, face flushed, chest heaving. His state was not different from mine and I could fucking tell that he was really about to fall for that moment, if only…

"Kuchiki-sama." A man's voice suddenly echoed from outside the door. If I was not mistaken, that was his fucking bastard of a right hand man who fucking ruined my fucking chance to have the man I love! Sorry for the endless curses but fuck! The guy ruined everything!

Byakuya immediately pulled himself together and wiped his wet lips with his hand. "Yes, Hisagi?" He calmly asked as if nothing just happened.

"I heard noises from the hall way a while ago, did you hear it too?" The bastard asked.

…and I thought I was moving like a goddamn panther when I searched for his room. Shit.

"No, I didn't hear anything." Byakuya answered.

A short silence and then, "Okay, sorry for disturbing you. Have a good evening, Kuchiki-sama." The faint sounds of footsteps walking away were heard after that; and then silence… a very long, uncomfortable silence.

I was still leaning against the wall, knees shaking, heart thumping and eyes still fixed on him. Byakuya was still standing not far from me, but his gaze was focused on the door and he was back to his usual cold, stoic personality.

Fuck.

"Leave, Abarai Renji." He suddenly said with a deep, cold voice that broke my heart.

"But—"

"What happened was nothing of importance to me. It was a mistake that I'm willing to forget and I suggest that you do the same. I also suggest that you end your relationship with Rukia if you don't feel passionate towards her anymore. And, if you think that I'm asking you to break up with her so you can be with me, you're terribly wrong, Abarai. I will never commit the mistake of loving you."

…

…

…

I wish that time would stop.

I wish I never heard those words from him.

I wish I never went to his room in the first place.

I found myself staring blankly at the floor as I slowly and painfully absorbed what he just uttered, my fucking foolish of a heart slowly breaking to a million pieces as it took in everything, every sentence, every word that came out of his thin and sweet lips.

_So that's how it is… Byakuya._

A small smile suddenly tugged at my lips. I didn't know why I smiled. Maybe I unconsciously did it to hide this ugly feeling currently devastating my entire existence. I slowly walked towards the door, opened it and silently went out. I didn't say anything, I just allowed my feet to bring me to my room and when I got there, I did nothing but stare blankly at endless pools of darkness created by my own eyes to shut me out of reality.

* * *

**Author notes:** None, because the author is fucking surprised that she wrote something like that. Please don't kill her and tell her what you think. Thank you for reading!


	5. Confession

**Author Notes:** Hello, my dear readers! I'm still on a roll after updating my GrimmIchi fic so I decided to update this fic as well. Yay! Thanks for the reviews and the alerts for the last chapter and sorry if I broke Renji's heart and yours as well. Well, this is another not-so happy chappie but something interesting will happen. Enjoy and please review.

**Thank you to: **x pink cloud x / Byakuya_Renji / HikaIta / kriskascini / Violent Dance / Mizuki Assassin of the Mist / perboss / Black Lighted Clouds / Rosa Mar / Hatake Tsughi

**Warnings:** This fic contains yaoi, bad language and possible OOCness (I tried my best).

**Disclaimer:** If Bleach is mine then Byakuya would stop acting like a goddamn brick.

* * *

**Chapter Five:**

**Confession**

* * *

RENJI ABARAI

It was already late in the morning when the family found out that Ichigo had run away. A small note was found on his bed by his father who usually greeted him with a morning beating, saying that he left to pursue his real happiness and that he was sorry for betraying our family. Ichigo had really done it. He betrayed Seiretei so he could be with Grimmjow Jeagerjaques, a member of Las Noches, our enemy.

Everyone was shocked, sad… mad. Yamamoto-jiisan was furious and immediately ordered his men to search for Ichigo. Byakuya offered to help as well and sent a couple of his men, even his right hand man, Hisagi. Uncle Isshin bawled like a lunatic in front of his wife's gigantic portrait, screaming how he failed as a father while the twins also cried. Rukia stayed by their side to comfort them.

Seeing them this hurt made me feel really, really mad at Ichigo but I knew that the real reason I was angry at him was because I was jealous. It was okay for him to throw everything away because the person that he loved loves him as well. I was envious as hell. I hoped the same went for me. I hoped that Byakuya Kuchiki also loved me… though that would never, ever happen.

Anyhow, I wanted to help the family look for Ichigo but Urahara-san said it would be much better if the younger members would just leave this matter to the older ones. It sucked but I had no choice. So, I opted to stay with Rukia and the twins instead. Being with them was much better than being alone. I didn't want to think about what happened last night. I didn't want to think about Byakuya.

After almost three hours of non-stop crying, the twins finally fell asleep. They were currently lying on their bed, holding each other's hands and tears tainting their little cheeks. Rukia sighed heavily and watched them, a sad and painful expression present on her face.

I just stood quietly near her, looking at Ichigo's sisters. I really felt sorry for them. I also sighed which made Rukia look at me.

"I still can't believe that he did that." She weakly said.

"Yeah." I only replied. It wouldn't be good on my part if they found out that I knew about Ichigo and Grimmjow's relationship.

"And I still can't believe that Ichigo is gay. All along, I thought he's straight and he still likes Inoue." She added.

Fuck.

Did she really have to add that? The spear of guilt just fucking stabbed me in the chest again. He wasn't the only one who's gay, I was also gay, Rukia. I was gay for your cold, emotionless, ice block of a brother!

I shifted uncomfortably and swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in my throat. "Y-yeah." I managed to reply.

A few seconds of disturbing silence passed before Rukia spoke again. Her expression was that of curiosity which made me feel really nervous. Something told me she would…

"If Nii-sama was against our relationship, would you ask me to run away with you?"

Dang!

Fuck!

Shit!

Damn!

Did I already say fuck? Fuck it all to hell! Rukia!

I suddenly felt heat rise up to my cheeks and I started fidgeting. I tried to keep my gaze on her but my eyes just won't look at her. "Well…" I stuttered as I swallowed hard. "…Of course."

She looked doubtfully at me. "You sound so unsure with your answer." Her voice was low but it was filled with dangerous aura.

"No, I was just shocked with your question!" I lied.

She glared at me, stood up and grabbed me on the arm, dragging me out of the twins' room. Once outside, she crossed her arms over her chest and continued death glaring at me. From this point, I knew that lying to here was useless. I could just see how easy it was for her to read me. I was fucking doomed.

I was still shifting like I badly needed to go to the bathroom, secretly asking that the ground would break open and swallow me.

"You know, you changed when Nii-sama asked you to work for him. You looked as if your mind was elsewhere when we're together! You suddenly look uncomfortable whenever I talk about my brother. You don't hold my hands, kiss me or even look at me that much anymore! He isn't saying anything to me but I knew something happened between you two that are bothering you. What is it?" She demanded.

Shit. Don't ask me that question, Rukia!

I was torn between telling her the truth and keeping it from her. I wanted to tell her that I was madly in-love with her brother but if I did that, what would happen? None… nothing would happen 'coz even if I tell Rukia about my feelings Byakuya would still never be mine. But if I lied to her… she wouldn't believe me. She would just force me to spill everything that I was hiding.

I closed my eyes and silently prayed to all the gods that existed. I prayed that someone would disturb our fucking conversation and save me. I waited for a good thirty seconds but no one came. The god didn't respond to my prayers. Shit.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked at her. She was still glaring at me, still demanding for an answer. I took a deep breath and finally made up my mind.

Okay, I would tell her.

"Rukia, I…"

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

After that certain incident with Renji last night, another surprising event happened this morning. Ichigo Kurosaki betrayed his family and the organization by running away with his lover, an enemy of Seiretei and a member of Las Noches. I was utterly surprised of course, but I perfectly masked it and carefully composed my thoughts, enough to offer my help. The event brought my emotions to stir wildly inside of me again, especially that it strongly reminded me of Renji.

Here was Ichigo Kurosaki, a young man who determinedly threw everything away to fight for his love. The issues of gender nor status didn't stop him from being with the person he loved. I would usually think that what he did was preposterous, foolish and shameful but surprisingly, I secretly found it… beautiful and I wished I could… I think you already knew what I meant.

I sipped the last of my tea as I tried to relax but it was difficult. The taste of Renji's lips was still on my mouth and the lust to taste more of it was still urging me to take more of it. I had this strong desire to stand up from where I was sitting, get out of the room and find Renji so I could embrace him, kiss him, taste him, feel him and take him but I continue to shun it. What I wanted to do must never happen. It would only create more problems that were definitely not needed by me nor anyone around me, especially Rukia.

I sighed for the millionth time on that morning and called the kitchen to bring me another cup of tea.

RENJI ABARAI

"Rukia, I…" I started but getting the words out of my mouth was as hard as speaking another language. You do know how hard this situation was, right?

"What?" She snapped impatiently.

"T-the truth is…" Okay, here it goes. "I'MGAYANDI'MINLOVEWITHBYAKUYA!" I quickly blurted.

She blinked, confused. "What did you say? Say it slowly godammit!"

I slapped my forehead, feeling dreadful that I needed to repeat what I just said. I took another deep breath and tried to compose myself. "Rukia, I'm gay." I calmly repeated.

Her dark eyes widened like saucers and her jaw dropped open.

"And… I'm in-love with your brother."

This time, her face paled.

She just stayed quiet and looked at me with a very shocked face, as if she had just seen aliens abduct me on their space ship. I continued to look back at her, waiting for a reaction until one minute had already passed.

Fuck, Rukia was completely unmoving. Man, she must've already passed out while standing because of the disgusting confession I made! I took a step forward to shake her but she suddenly took a step back and looked at me with hate and disbelief.

"R-Rukia…"

"Y-You're gay and…" She stopped as tears started to flow out of her eyes. "You're in-love with my brother? You're lying, right?" She asked; her face filled with pain.

I instantly felt sorry for her; regret suddenly flooding over me. But I knew she would be hurt, the both of us just had to deal with it. I slowly looked at the floor, avoiding her gaze.

"Oh god, you're not lying." She uttered as she cried. I saw her feet took a few more steps back before she said, "I'm sorry but this is just so fucked-up." After that, she ran away, weeping and hurt.

My knees buckled under me and I allowed myself to fall onto the floor but someone suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me up. I was spun like a lifeless puppet and I instantly felt fear and anger as to who did that to me. The person's grip was fucking painful, dammit! I was about to punch him in the face when I saw a pair of angry dark-violet eyes shooting daggers at me.

"B-Byakuya…"

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**Author notes: **Yes, I'm leaving you guys with a cliff-hanger because I want to know your ideas on Byakuya's reaction. I would greatly appreciate it if you could share your thoughts with me. Hope you liked (maybe not) the update and please tell me what you think.^^


	6. Painful Aftermath

**Author Notes:** Yes! I'm back! Sorry if it's taking me time to update longer than the usual. You guys know how it is; my work always gets in the way. Dang! Well, I'm still thankful that many people still want to read this fic since it has been very, very angsty lately. This is probably the angstiest, saddest fic I have ever written but let's be positive because the day when Renji will finally smile is coming, hahaha! Anyway, I hope you'll like this chapter too and tell me what you think.

**Thank you Corner:** Ruyu-san / Mizuki Assassin of the Mist / HikaIta / x pink cloud x / tsukinotora / koreto-chan / bleachfan / renjisgirl12 / Washu M / Hatake Tsughi / cutemeepers

**Warnings:** This fic yaoi/boyxboy relationships, extreme angst and possible OOCness though I tried my best to keep them in character as much as possible.

**Disclaimer:** Bleach is definitely not mine.

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**Chapter Six:**

**Painful Aftermath**

* * *

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

I gazed at him with immense fury. I wanted to stay calm, to keep my composure but it was difficult when I knew that Rukia was deeply hurt by the man in front of me. I didn't wish for this to happen. I didn't intend for Rukia to be in pain. My hands wound tighter around his arm as anger completely took over me. "Why did you do that?" I growled. Yes, I growled which I haven't done in a very long time. "Explain yourself, Abarai!"

He just looked at me, his eyes lost and scared, as if he didn't know what to say. His mouth partly opened. He probably wanted to say something but couldn't find the strength to do so. I could feel his skin trembling in fear. Did I really look scary for him to act that way? To the point wherein he was reduced from a fiery dragon to a frightened mouse?

"Abarai!" I yelled at him.

"I'm sorry!" He suddenly blurted as if he just woke up from a terrible nightmare. He yanked his arm away from my deathly grip and took a step back. He closed his crimson eyes and when he opened them again all I could see was pain and sadness. "I know what I did was wrong. I didn't want to hurt Rukia but she needed to know the truth." He reasoned; his voice barely a whisper.

"Why did you have to tell her about your feelings for me? You should've just kept that to yourself!" I answered back. I strongly disapprove of what he did. How would I face Rukia now that she knew that the man she loved was in-love with me?

"I couldn't!" He shouted; his dark brows suddenly furrowed in anger and frustration. "You have no idea how hard it is to keep my feelings for you a secret! At first I thought I could do it. As long as I know that my love for you is one-sided I wouldn't push it. I will continue to love Rukia but hiding it has been as hard as shit after you kissed me! A part of me was suddenly stubbornly saying that you like me too and that fucking voice gets louder every time I remember what you did! Why did you have to fucking kiss me when you don't feel anything for me? You only made it worse! It's your fault that I couldn't control my emotions for you anymore!"

I took a sharp breath at the words he said, they were like knives that repeatedly stabbed it selves on my chest. Hearing it from him was painful but I was also surprised as a realization hit me. Was it really my fault that this happened? If I had only controlled myself last night and did not kiss him then maybe he wouldn't confess anything to Rukia. Then I would've saved my sister from all this useless pain. So was this the consequence of my negligence?

I continued to look at him with hatred. My lips tightly pursed in an attempt to keep myself from hurting him physically, even though I really wanted to. Causing him physical pain would not be enough to ease this extreme anger that was slowly swallowing my soul. I needed to hurt him more than that. I needed to inflict a certain kind of pain that would erase his love for me in his heart and turn it into hatred.

"How many times do I have to tell you that that kiss did not mean anything? That I don't have any feelings for you and that I don't love you? Do you know that I want nothing more than to have you vanish from my sight so I don't have to see you again?" Those harsh words slipped out of my mouth like a slick fluid. I couldn't stop them from escaping from my lips just like the dreaded feeling of hate that finally ruled me and my entire being. "I will never forgive you for hurting Rukia, Renji Abarai!"

RENJI ABARAI

Someone kill me.

That was the only thought in my head as his cruel words struck my poor heart like a bunch of daggers. I knew I was fucking bleeding but my blood was invisible. I knew I was being tortured as those daggers twisted and stabbed deeper inside my chest, granting me a slow death for my poor, pathetic heart.

I just stood there and stared at him, like he was a fucking ghost, like he was a goddamn monster sent to destroy me. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. I couldn't even breathe. I could only look at him as if it was going to be the last time I would ever see him.

_I want nothing more than to have you vanish from my sight so I don't have to see you again?_

So that was really how it was…

_I will never forgive you for hurting Rukia, Renji Abarai!_

Did you really hate me that much, Byakuya?

My heart seemed to stop for a second as the words washed over me like a tidal wave, drowning me to the deepest part of hell. I felt like I was gonna fucking die, like I would finally escape this indescribable pain but it only strengthened as I was pushed deeper in it's' pits.

"I'm really sorry."

I heard someone say then everything around me suddenly spun out of fucking control. When my sight went back to normal, I realized I was already in my own room… with tears streaming down like an endless waterfall on my face.

* * *

Ichigo was back in the house before the day had ended. He was seen by Hisagi wandering aimlessly in a small park near the outskirts of town. Everyone was angry and happy to see him. The twins cried with joy, as well as Isshin while Rukia punched him on the face then hugged him and cried in happiness and relief. She acted as if nothing happened between us, as if everything was okay. I was also relieved to see Ichigo, which was why I broke his frigging arm when I approached him. That was for running away and worrying the entire family.

Ichigo's eyes were filled with sadness and regret when he returned. He looked like he was going to die, no, actually, he looked like he wanted to die. I guess things didn't turn out well for him and his Las Noches bastard.

Yamamoto-jiisan was furious when he saw Ichigo that he growled an order to everyone to kill him but because of Isshin's annoying bawling and Urahara-san's intelligent persuasion, his life was spared, but he still had to face a heavy punishment. He was sentenced to be imprisoned in the mansion's underground jail for one month and he must marry his former girlfriend, Inoue Orihime— sole heir to a multi-national company, to strengthen the organization's power. I felt sorry for Ichigo even more, that was probably the heaviest punishment he could ever receive.

I wanted to see and talk to Ichigo that night but no one was allowed to see him except for his father, Urahara and Yamamoto-jiisan. So I settled into absently listening to my fucking mp3 player, trying to will away all the ugly thoughts that were haunting my already abused brain and heart.

I wanted to sleep but I knew it was fucking impossible. Not when Byakuya's angry face and Rukia's crying visage was stubbornly trying to enter my mind. Sighing heavily, I contemplated into facing Rukia again. Maybe I could still take back everything that I said, tell her that I was just joking and that I still love her but I knew that would be stupid and pointless. The damage has been done and there was nothing I could do to undo it or make it better.

Closing my eyes, I tried another futile attempt to go to sleep. I tried to relax and listen to every word and letter in the loud, fast rock song I imposed myself to distract me with. Seriously Renji, could you possibly fall asleep if you're listening to a frigging heavy metal rock song? Definitely, the answer is no, not in my case at least.

I opened my eyes again and sat up. Folding my knees under me, I still tried to relax and focus on the music but Byakuya's cold voice seemed to pierce through the singer's husky voice. It sucked. It sucked that I had to listen to his harsh words again and again even though my entire body was shunning it away.

_I never want to see you again._

That was what he said. Was that the right thing to do? Would he forgive me if I do that? Would Rukia be happy if I go away and never let them see me again? The fucking thought of not seeing Byakuya anymore caused an unbearable pain and panic to stir inside my chest. I didn't want to forget him. I always wanted to see him even if it was from afar but that was what he wanted. He didn't want to see me anymore. He hated me with every fiber of his being. I asked myself, what was the point of staying if that was the way he felt for me?

I looked miserably at the sheets and bit my lip, stopping the tears that threatened to spill.

What should I do?

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

It has been three days since I've last seen Renji. The young man was nowhere to be seen and it seemed that he was trying his best to stay inside his room as much as possbile. Not that I wanted to see him, it was just I couldn't help but feel worried. As much as I hated to admit it, I definitely have feelings for Renji even though I strongly denied it. I was extremely angry at him when I saw him confess everything to Rukia. I wanted to kill him but I had realized my unkind actions when I calmed down.

I had also hurt Renji and because of that, I had also brought pain upon myself. Regret was slowly eating me, guilt was definitely torturing me for what I have said and done, but it couldn't be helped. I needed to hurt Renji because his love and my affection for him were wrong. It was the only way to keep him away from me and from hurting Rukia.

After that despicable incident, I immediately went to see my sister. As expected, she was crying before I visited her but she bit back her tears when she faced me. I tried my best to look at her but it was difficult. I didn't know what to say to make her feel better. I wasn't sure if I should ask her about her opinion about his lover's emotions towards me but I needed to know.

_She stepped aside to let me in her room and closed it with a soft thud. I stood at the middle of her room while she sat on her bed. Her gaze focused on the carpeted floor below us, a sad expression marring her pretty face._

"_Rukia."_

"_Yes, Nii-sama?"_

"_Don't believe in Renji's words." I said in my usual voice and tone. I had this strong desire to sound weak since that's what I was feeling but I know I mustn't."As far as we know, he must be playing a joke on us. You do know how he could act like a ten-year old boy sometimes." _

_A long pause._

_Then a small, sad smile graced her lips. "You and I both know that he was telling the truth."_

_I didn't know what to say. I just looked at her, clueless as to what I should do next._

"_Do you feel the same way, Nii-sama?" She suddenly asked._

_If I was not Byakuya Kuchiki, my face would've exploded in a shock or guilty expression. But I quickly took control of my emotions and it was a success. My stoic face didn't falter for even one second. "No." I replied. It was ironic how I said those words with conviction and yet something in my chest was screaming in agonizing pain. "It was purely one-sided and I have no intention of responding to his feelings. Anyhow, I am sorry that he had hurt you because of me."_

_Looking up at me, the smile on her face suddenly faded. "Don't worry about it, Nii-sama. I am not angry at you."_

_Hearing that was supposed to be a relief but I could still feel the heavy weight on my shoulders. I didn't feel happy that my sister did not hate me._

"_How do you feel right now? About him that is."_

_There was another long pause as she contemplated on what she should do. Confusion was evident on her small face and I could see and feel that she was torn between forgiving and being enemies with Renji. "I… I don't want to see him. I want to go home, Nii-sama... to think." She responded weakly._

"_Very well." I said and turned around, fighting the urge to heave a sigh. "Make sure you prepare and pack your belongings today. You'll come home with me this evening." I instructed monotonously as I opened the door and went out of her room. I quickly rubbed my temples once I made sure I was alone in the hall way, relieved that I could show a bit of my weakness for just a few moments._

* * *

It has been a month since Rukia went home; a month since I last saw Renji. The wound brought by that horrendous incident was still raw and open; it was still bleeding and still remained unhealed.

As much as I wanted to see him, I just couldn't. I was afraid of hurting Rukia again even though she seemed to have already moved-on from her heartbreak. Maybe I was just afraid to face him that's why I couldn't find the strength to go to Seiretei and talk to him. Even though people thought and I had told myself that I had no fears, I was afraid of my feelings for Renji. These unwanted emotions made me lose control of myself. It made me want to do crazy and unintelligent things. It made me want to be my real self and I didn't want that. As the head of my clan, I always had to be calm and composed.

Yes, it was better to stay away from Renji. It was time to bury these unwanted feelings for him and forget him. Yes, that was the right thing to do.

"Byakuya-sama." A deep voice suddenly interrupted my occupied thoughts.

I was currently reading a book in the garden when Sasakibe, one of my butlers approached me and handed me a small white envelope.

"A letter from Abarai-sama." He formally said.

My chest suddenly pounded at the mention of his name and I carefully eyed at the letter, fear and excitement suddenly flooding me as I wondered what was written in it. I gracefully took the envelope and waved my butler away. I opened it immediately once I was sure he was gone; my fingers shaking uncontrollably as I struggled to tear the flap and take the letter out. I took a deep breath first before I unfolded it and read.

_Kuchiki-san,_

_I'm sorry for what I've done to you and Rukia. I hope your anger towards me will somehow be lessened in my return. Yes, I will be going a way for a couple of years to think and try to move on. This is the only thing I could do to protect Rukia from my love for you. I know loving you was wrong so I will try my best to bury my feelings and forget you. I'm sorry, Kuchiki-san and please let me tell you this for the last time, I love you._

_Renji_

With eyes wide, I stared surprisingly at the paper in my hand. My other hand automatically reached for my jacket pocket and reached for my cellphone. I immediately dialed Urahara's number and waited for him to answer. I didn't know what I was doing. Surprisingly, I also didn't care. My heart was being rammed by something heavy—panic. It was shaking me and scaring me out of my wits. Not seeing Renji anymore was not a welcome thought in my head.

"Hello, Kuchiki-san!" Urahara's cheerful voice greeted.

"Where is Abarai?" I quickly demanded my voice rough and impatient.

There was a short pause; he was probably surprised by my question and tone of voice, then, "Well, I'm afraid he's not here anymore, Kuchiki-san. Renji had already left for Italy yesterday."

…

…

…

No, Renji.

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**Author Notes:** Dundundun! Will Byakuya wait for Renji's return or follow him in Italia? What do you think? Well, that ends this chapter. Hope you liked it and thanks very much for reading!:D


	7. Trying to move on

**Author Notes:** Yes, I updated! Thanks for the wonderful reviews last chapter. It definitely helped me finish this chapter even though my internet connection at home isn't working because of a storm. I know that I always hurt Renji in the previous chapters but… okay, I'm not gonna give any spoilers! Just read this shit and tell me what you think. You know that reviews fuels my motivation to continue writing even though RL is often bitching at me.:D

**Thank you to:** This part is temporarily closed for this chapter only. I uploaded this chapter at work so I didn't really have the time to type every reviewers name one by one 'coz my boss might catch me. Anyway, thanks very much to those who reviewed and added this fic to their story/fave alerts.

**Warnings:** This fic contains yaoi/intimate relationships between men, bad language and maybe aome grammar slips.

**Disclaimer:** You will never get to watch Bleach in Crunchyroll if I own it.

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**Chapter Seven: **

**Trying to move on**

**

* * *

**

RENJI ABARAI

I left and went far away. Hopefully to a place that I was too far, thoughts of him wouldn't reach me. Rubbing my eyes for the umpteenth time, I fucking tried not to think of him but it seemed useless. I started rolling and covering my face with my pillow, tried to fill my mind with pointless questions like what would happen if an asteroid would suddenly plummet towards Earth? Would I stay alive at that time or would I die? But in the end, my messed-up brain ended up into thinking of him again.

Would I get to see him before I die?

I slapped myself, literally, punishing myself for being a fucking masochist. Yeah, I was starting to think I was one because even though it hurts as shit to think of him, I feel happy when his beautiful stoic face crossed my mind. It has already been three days, three fucking days since I holed myself up in this nice apartment with nothing to do but stare outside the window and into the beautiful city of Milan. It was my first time to stay here and I couldn't even appreciate its beauty. I couldn't even kick my sorry ass to go out and explore this historical and amazing place. I guess I was contented to have this fucking solitude even though it was slowly killing me. I wanted to see him even if he would look hatefully at me. I wanted to hear his voice even if he would only spit venom at me. I wanted to feel him even if he would flinch away from me.

God, I wanted to be with Byakuya.

I sat up from my comfy bed and sighed. I stood up and went to the kitchen to grab myself a can of beer, glancing at the wall clock for a second to check the time. It was already 2:30 in the frigging morning. I should really be sleeping because I needed it but I was wide awake as an insomniac. Heck, maybe I already was one. I was about to open the fridge when the phone suddenly rang. I groaned as the blaring sound attacked me, causing my head to throb. I quickly crossed the kitchen in three strides and grabbed the fucking device. It had better be not Ichigo bugging me to go back to Japan or I would fucking kill him!

"Hello?" I hissed annoyingly.

The other line was quiet and I instantly knew that it was not my damned cousin. I took a deep breath and tried to speak mildly this time. "Hello?"

"Abarai-san?"

I blinked at the familiar voice, shocked. "W-who is this?" I asked cautiously.

"It's Shuuhei Hisagi."

The first thing that entered my mind: Byakuya. And my heart threatened to jump out of my chest. "Hi-Hisagi-san, why—"

"So you're home." He said with formality.

"Why did you call? How did you get my number?" I finally asked after a few seconds of being dumbfounded.

"I'll explain once I see you, Abarai-san. Can I talk to you personally?"

I blinked, still confused as hell. Why the hell would he want to see me? Did… did Byakuya fucking sent him? Was Byakuya with him? "O-okay. Sure. Where are you right now?" I responded, my voice sounding a bit eager.

"I'm at the lobby. I'll come up." He answered then hung up.

It took me a good twenty seconds to take the phone away from my ear before I realized that I was spacing out. I still couldn't believe that Byakuya might possibly…

Byakuya... just thinking of him was enough to send my heart racing and give me a heart attack.

The door bell suddenly rang after three minutes. I hurriedly went to the door, took a deep breath, tried not to look eager and opened the door cautiously. Hisagi-san looked pleasant and formal as ever.

"Sorry for bothering you, Abarai-san." He said with a bow.

I opened the door widely and let him in. "It's okay. I'm just surprised that you came here." I said as I closed the door.

I quietly led him to sit on the couch and endured the curiousity of directly asking him the purpose of his visit. I must contain myself and should offer him a drink first. "Would you like something to drink?" I asked politely.

He shook his head and smiled a little. "No, thank you."

I nodded awkwardly. "So, why are you here?" I finally asked; getting that frigging question out of my mouth relieved me.

"I was asked by Kuchiki-sama to make sure that you're okay." He responded immediately.

"And why would he do that?" I asked with a raised eyebrow, my chest suddenly aching to know that Byakuya was not really there.

"I was not told the reason. I simply came here to accomplish his order."

My chest ached even more. It was very disappointing to know that, Byakuya, a man who had outright told me that he hated me with all his guts, would suddenly send his right hand man to see if I was okay. It was a puzzling situation I couldn't figure out. Did he feel guilty because I had to leave Japan and my family just to avoid him and Rukia? No, he wasn't that type of person. He wouldn't give a goddamn hoot if I would stay here forever or if I would die. As he had said, he didn't love me and I was not important to him. I was nothing but a person that caused pain to his sister. Maybe he wanted to make sure that I would suffer and would try to forget him. I gave Hisagi-san a scrutinizing gaze. "Somehow, I find that really hard to believe. Kuchiki-dono has no reason to be concerned about me. "

Hisagi-san just stayed quiet and looked at the floor. I guess the situation was also awkward for him. He must've had no idea why he was sent here.

I wanted to be alone, really. I didn't want to have company. I wanted to send Hisagi-san back to Japan but found that I couldn't. An annoying small voice was telling me to follow Byakuya's wish. Sighing heavily, I flopped down at the seat across him. "I guess a company wouldn't hurt. I feel bored anyway just don't trust me to cook or do anything in the house." I warned.

"No, I really don't have to stay here. I'm currently staying in a hotel nearby and I just have to see that you're well. So you don't really need to—"

"I insist. Please stay here, Hisagi-san." I said my voice a bit pleading.

He looked unsure at first then nodded in agreement.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

I felt hollow and empty. When Renji left for Italy, I found myself wounded, in a state of indescribable pain. I was still strong and emotionless on the outside, but I was slowly bleeding to death on the inside. No one noticed the change that happened to myself; not even Rukia.

Just like me, she was sad when she found out that Renji had gone away. She wanted to follow him and bring him back here and I almost voiced out my agreement, but fear suddenly struck me. I had already hurt Renji and I, to have him back here would only hurt him more and I didn't wish for that to happen. It's best if I would just leave things as they were. That was my first thought on the first day he had been gone.I suddenly changed my mind on the second day, when this painful feeling of emptiness slowly punctured itself in my supposedly cold heart, when the urge to see him and be with him suddenly strengthened. I had first thought of actually going to Italy to follow him but I stopped myself. Though people and I believed that I was fearless, I was scared of facing him. I was scared of seeing his beautiful face tainted with pain and tears. So in a spur of a moment, I had ordered my right hand man to go to Italy and see him, see if he was okay, see if he was really trying to move on and forget about me. I hadn't realized that that thought was going to be this painful but I just had to endure. Loving him was a sin and giving in to my useless desires would only hurt Rukia.

I let out a weary sigh as I gazed blankly at the neatly-ordered stack of papers on my desk. I still had a lot of work to accomplish and here I was, thinking and worrying of something else. I shook my head and decided to start working… if I could.

RENJI ABARAI

I placed the cup of tea on the table and sat at the chair across Hisagi-san. He gratefully sipped at the steaming hot of liquid and looked at me.

"How's your stay here so far?" He asked.

I hesitated to answer him. "It's okay." I lied. "So, how long have you been staying here?"

"I just arrived three hours ago. Byakuya-sama strictly ordered me to check on you first. I wasn't sure if you're home, I thought you were out and went somewhere so I opted to call you first to make sure." He answered while he settled his cup on the table.

I avoided his gaze and stared at an abstract painting on the wall. I was really fucking confused. What did Byakuya want? Why the fuck did he send Hisagi-san just to check up on me? Was he worried? No. That couldn't be it. He was probably making sure that I'd suffer from what I did to Rukia. Yes, that was his only reason to do this.

_You really wanted to make sure I'd keep my word, huh?_

Fighting the urge to sigh and bang my head on the table, I ignored the throbbing pain in my chest and faced Hisagi. "How's Rukia?" I asked worriedly.

"She's okay. She was sad when you left. Until now, I still can't figure out why you broke up with her. Everyone in the organization thought you were meant for each other." He said dejectedly.

I just stayed quiet, thinking of what I should say. Even though Hisagi-san was Byakuya's right hand man, it didn't mean that he knew about his boss' personal affairs or problems. I should be careful of what I should say to him. "I guess that's just how life could fuck-up things for us. I, too, thought that I'd be in-love with her forever but I was wrong."

He raised an eyebrow. "So, you've fallen in-love with someone else while you loved her?"

Shit. I just said I should be careful of the things I fucking say and here I was, saying something that could open a can of worms. I quickly looked away. "T-that's none of your business." I shot back awkwardly.

He gasped, surprised. "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry."

I bit my lip and started fumbling with the edge of my shirt under the table. "Will Byakuya get mad if he found out that I asked you to stay here?" I asked stiffly, changing the topic.

"I'm not sure but I guess it wouldn't hurt if I keep that as a secret from him."

A small smile curved up my lips. I was a little surprised that Hisagi-san actually had the ability to keep a secret from his boss. "I think it's better if you do that." I agreed as I looked at him.

He smiled back and continued drinking his tea.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

I received a call from Hisagi five hours after his arrival in Italy. My heart seemed to have somersaulted inside my chest when I saw his name blinking on my cellphone screen. I took a deep breath and answered it with my usual voice. "Hisagi."

"Byakuya-sama. I have contacted Abarai-san. He's doing well though it seems that he doesn't go out of his apartment. He doesn't seem to be sleeping that much as well but I think he's faring well." He reported.

A familiar pang struck my heart. I guess he was having a hard time moving on and getting over from the pain I had caused him. I suddenly wanted to go to Italy, comfort him and tell him everything; tell him the truth that I feel deeply for him as well but I know it wasn't right. Rukia would be hurt and love between two men was just iniquitous. Following my real emotions would only cause him more pain and suffering so it was better if he would just bury his love for me and forget me.

"I see. I want regular updates and report on his activities. Make sure that he wouldn't do anything foolish and don't let him out of your sight."

"Yes, Byakuya-sama."

And with that, I ended the call and sighed heavily, letting out all the constricted anguish and stress I kept inside me in that one-minute call. I brushed my hair back with my fingers and tried to calm my rebelling emotions.

Just calm down, Byakuya. You can still live without him. You can do it.

RENJI ABARAI

I woke up at around 10 AM. The sun was already high in the sky and its rays were coming through the glass window, forcing me to get up from my bed. I felt a little light-headed but I knew a cup of coffee would make it go away. So, I went to the kitchen where I found Hisagi-san already up and about, chopping some vegetables on the counter.

"I didn't know that the infamous and dangerous right hand man of Kuchiki Byakuya can cook." I teased as I approached him to watch.

"So consider yourself lucky that you'll get to experience my cooking." He cheekily replied with a grin. I thought he looked really handsome when he did that.

"Yeah, right." I turned around, grabbed a mug from the dispenser and poured myself a cup of freshly brewed coffee. The damn liquid already did its wonders on me when it's delicious scent wafted through my nose. I leaned against the counter once again to watch Hisagi-san. "What're you going to cook?"

"Hot pot."

"Mmmm, yummy."

His smile widened which made me realized that Hisagi-san really was good-looking. Yeah, he wasn't as handsome as Byakuya but there was something about his smile that would probably make any woman or man unable to resist him and he seemed oblivious to it though. I wondered if he had a girlfriend or someone special to him. Did he have time to meet and date people? And why the fuck was I contemplating on that? Well, I definitely was not getting attracted to him. I guess I was suddenly intrigued by Byakuya's mysterious right hand man. After all, I didn't know much about him and since he would be staying with me, I thought it would be good to know more about him. "Do you have a girlfriend, Hisagi-san?" I asked casually.

His cheeks were suddenly tainted with crimson. "N-no, I don't have. I try not to have, well, actually, I couldn't really get a chance to go on a date since I have to be with my boss most of the time." He replied shyly.

"Oh, is that so?" I responded; an idea suddenly sparked in my mind. I looked naughtily at him and grinned. "What do you think of Italian women?"

* * *

**Author Notes:** Review or I'll lose my muse, LOL! Thanks for reading~:D


	8. Intoxicating Longing

**Author Notes:** Hello! I'm here again to bring you a new chapter! Though I was busy with work and yes, I still don't have an internet connection at home, I tried my best to update ASAP because I was motivated with your warm and loving reviews. Well, actually I am slowly becoming obsessed with ByaRen that I'm forgetting my OTP GrimmIchi! Le gasp! Oh noes! Anyway, thank you for still waiting for the updates! I'll shut up now so read away folks!

**Thank you to:** Still suspended. Now that I've found out that it's hopeless to fix my internet and it would probably take me another week to apply for a new one, I had no choice but to illegally upload this in the office. Ssssshhh! But I promise to thank all the reviewers once my internet at home is okay.:D

**Warning:** This fic contains intimate and sexual relationships between two men, bad language and possible grammar slips. Corrections will be greatly appreciated as long as you will deliver it in a nice and constructive manner.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it. Kubo does.

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**Chapter Eight: **

**Intoxicating Longing**

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RENJI ABARAI

I wasn't really excited when I asked Hisagi-san to go to a club tonight so we could meet some Italian women. I merely suggested it so he could experience meeting other people and somehow, give color to his boring love/sex life. The truth was I wanted nothing more than to stay home and think of Byakuya 'till I was too fucking tired to think of him. But I realized that I still had to live my life and I promised that I would forget about him. So, I guess my decision was somehow right. In fact, I should be happy 'coz I had finally taken my first step in burying my feelings for Byakuya.

Hisagi-san looked at the table for a moment, his dark brows furrowed in contemplation. Then he looked up again and gazed apologetically at me. I stopped myself from sighing in relief. "I'm sorry but I think I really don't want to meet foreign girls. As much as possible, I want to be involved with a Japanese woman." He sincerely explained.

I smiled, feeling a little relieved. "Nah, it's okay. I guess we have no choice but to stay home tonight." Then I frowned. "Shit. We're out of beer."

"I could go to the supermarket to buy some." He helpfully suggested.

"No. I'll go. You're my guest so I should do that."

He just smiled in response then turned off the stove. "Lunch is ready." He eagerly declared.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

Waiting for Hisagi to call was like waiting for someone to save me from death. Every passing second was plain torture and I wasn't sure if I could keep up with the emotional strain it caused. I tried to focus on some documents and proposals on my desk but my mind kept wandering to somewhere I wanted to be. In Italy. Where Renji was currently staying.

I was about to sign a document when someone knocked on the door. "Who is it?" I asked in a monotonous voice.

"It's me, Nii-sama." Rukia's soft voice responded.

I fought the urge to sigh in distress. I knew why she came. I sat up straight and inhaled, putting on my cold mask. "Come in."

The door was gently opened and my younger sister came in. She was looking a little better as the days passed and the determined glint in her large dark eyes was bothering me as always. I knew where this conversation would go. She sat on the chair across my desk, took a deep breath to compose herself and gazed pleadingly at me. "I'm sorry to bother you about this again, Nii-sama. But please, let me go to Italy."

I focused on the papers on my desk, avoiding her deadly insistent gaze. "We have already talked about this and I had repeatedly made known that I do not approve of it, Rukia."

"I know but Nii-sama, I'm worried about Renji. I know he's a strong man but—"She slowly looked down at her lap and started fumbling with her fingers. "I fear that he might not be treating himself well."

"It's no use for you to care for someone who had hurt you. Just focus your attention on other important things and forget about that man." I responded cold-heartedly though deep inside the effect was the opposite. I was actually killing myself, languidly, with the sharpness of my own words and with my own hypocrisy. How could I say that to my sister when I couldn't even do the same and I was secretly imposing myself on Renji?

"But Nii-sama! He's still my friend and I still care for him." Rukia insisted, her voice raising a bit to fight for her reason.

I never really liked this conversation with her. Every time she said that she cared for Renji made me feel like I was the most heartless person in the world. How I wanted to tell her that I agree with her, that I also loved Renji and that I was sick and tired of wearing this strong, emotionless façade. I looked up and gazed dangerously at her, trying my best to keep up with this act. As much as I wanted to bare my real thoughts and emotions, my pride just wouldn't let me do it. "I don't want to hear anything about this again. Now, leave and do not bother me unless you're going to say something essential."

Rukia was about to reply but she stopped and stared at the ground, looking defeated. She slowly stood up, bowed down and went out of the room. She was obviously upset and hurt but I had no choice. I had to do it. I shouldn't let her get hurt again.

I rested my forehead on the back of my hand and tried to calm down, my chest threatening to explode from too many emotions. Why? Why was it difficult for me to just let go of this suffocating control and be myself? Ah yes, because I was the leader of a powerful clan and being in love with another man would insult my family's pride.

My heart pounded in agony once again and the pain increased ten folds as I remembered Renji's words every time he pursued me, every time he confessed his love for me.

_What do you feel about me?_

_You… you're saying that because of Rukia, right? You don't want to hurt her so you're rejecting me. You think this is ridiculous because we're both men and you choose to hide what you really feel because you think this is wrong._

_You know, you can't blame me for being like this fucking mess that I am right now because I didn't choose to fall in love with you._

_I really love you, Byakuya._

How I wished I could hear his voice saying those words again, wished I could see what his strong yet handsome face looked like as they voiced them out. I truly and deeply wished I could eliminate this agonizing longing for him.

RENJI ABARAI

If there was one thing I didn't expect of Hisagi-san, it was his low-tolerance for alcohol. The man was already drunk after downing three cans of beer and he was now snoring his ass off on the sofa, his cheeks with an interesting tattoo of the number '69' were tainted with crimson.

I chuckled and talked to myself. I couldn't help it. I was pretty sober myself. "He's the fucking right hand of a powerful man and yet, he gets drunk pretty easily." I shook my head in amusement and emptied my beer, feeling the cold fluid wash over my throat like fresh water. Just like any other night, I wanted to drown myself in alcohol so I wouldn't dream about Byakuya again. My longing for him was so severe I even think of him when I sleep. I always dreamed about him, a welcoming smile on his handsome face, as his deep voice called my name in a loving manner, as if he was really happy to see me. Just when I was about to touch his face, his stunning image would disappear then I would wake up with tears staining my cheeks. I suddenly smiled bitterly. Even through all that pain, I still wanted to see him. I still loved me. Man, I was such a fucking loser.

I took another deep breath to get a hold of my emotions and looked at Hisagi-san. The man was still sleeping soundly and he looked surprisingly vulnerable, another thing I hadn't expected from him. I gazed at the tattoo on his cheek. I still couldn't figure out as to why he chose the controversial number 69 on his face. Was it his favorite sex position? Nah, there must've been an important reason why he chose it. Then, I looked at his whole face. Hisagi-san was really handsome and it was a pity that he was single. My eyes slowly drifted down to his upper body. Although he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt, the muscles underneath it were evident. It was obvious that he probably had a nice, hot body. Well, not that I was attracted to his physical appearance or anything, but seriously… why the fuck was I looking at him and observing him like he was a specimen?

Feeling a little ashamed at myself, I decided to look away and focus my attention on something else but my sight caught a glimpse of something. My heart suddenly jumped in excitement as an idea suddenly formed in my head. I looked intently at Hisagi-san's hip and there in his pocket, was his cellphone which was about to fall off on the carpeted floor.

Hisagi-san's cellphone…

Shit.

I swallowed hard and slowly raised my hand, reaching for the small piece of device. A small voice was telling me to stop from what I was thinking, from what I was about to do but I shut it out and killed it. I continued and stopped caring at the consequences my fucked-up action would incur.

_Would I hear Byakuya's voice if I call him using Hisagi-san's cellphone?_

A sigh of relief silently escaped my lips as I got hold of the cellphone. I carefully looked at it, staring at it as if it was the first time I've seen it and pressed a button. In an instant, the screen displayed the dialed number list and only one number was on it.

Byakuya's number.

My heart suddenly ran fast, pumping blood through every fiber of my veins, making my body shiver. God, how I wanted to press the call button at that time but just like the longing and excitement that welled-up in my chest, fear was also there. I was suddenly afraid of the painful consequences I ignored a moment ago.

_Aw, fuck it. If he answered then…_

I pressed the 'call' button and placed the cellphone near my ear.

It was ringing.

My heart pounded faster and faster that I felt I was running in a race that I should win. It was suddenly very difficult to breathe as I waited for an answer.

_Answer it! Answer it, Byakuya!_

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

Click.

"Hisagi?"

Fuck.

Tears suddenly fell from my eyes, the wet substance flowing like waterfall as the wound in my heart seemed to open once again. I felt happy, really I was. The sound of his beautiful and deep, yet cold voice was enough to make me feel that way. But along with that emotion, I was also in immense pain because my longing for him just strengthened.

"Hello?"

I blinked when I realized that I haven't responded. Should I say something? Should I let him know that it was me who was calling him? What if he rejected me again? Would I still survive the new pain it would cause? My heart was already full of it and I wasn't sure if my heart would still beat to continue living if ever I'd be discarded by him again.

"Hisagi?"

I bit my lip hard to keep myself from sobbing and tried my best to keep quiet, hoping that he would speak again so I could hear his voice and somehow relieve this longing.

"Hisagi, are you there?"

_I don't wanna hung up._

"Hisagi?"

_Please let me hear your voice longer._

"Hisagi, are you in danger?"

_Byakuya…_

Closing my eyes shut and making a very quick decision, I tore the cellphone away from my ear and ended the call. I looked at it and realized that my hands were still shaking and tears were still heavily streaming down my face.

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

I deeply stared at my cellphone as if it was also staring back at me. For some unknown reason, Renji's face suddenly crossed my mind when I answered it. I had a very strong feeling it was him but then, Hisagi's number flashed on the screen. No, it was impossible. That couldn't be him. But if it was Hisagi, why did he call without saying anything? Was he in danger?

My heart started pounding in my chest at the thought. If Hisagi was in danger, then there was also a possibility that Renji was in danger as well. The desire to go to Italy washed over me again but I stopped myself. I had to make sure that that was the case before I make any action.

I hastily called Hisagi.

RENJI ABARAI

As expected, I had fucking achieved the consequence of my careless act. I released the cellphone in my hand and grasped my aching chest, weeping quietly as I dealt with the pain. Hisagi-san was still sleeping. Thank goodness. But I couldn't let him see me like this.

I quickly went to my room to lock myself in and cry my heart out. I was about to open the door when a ringing sound suddenly echoed in the house. My heart stopped at the sound.

_Fuck! Please don't let it be Hisagi-san's cellphone!_

As much as I hoped it wasn't, the fact was that the ringing device was coming from Hisagi-san's cellphone. I had no other choice but to hope that the person calling was not Byakuya.

I heard Hisagi-san groan then the sound of the couch shifting gently floated along with the ringing sound. He immediately fumbled for his cellphone and answered it. I just stayed still by the door and I didn't dare to move.

"B-Byakuya-sama?" He answered which scared the shit outta me more.

Fear suddenly vibrated through my entire body. What if he found out or suspected that his boss was deeply involved in this shiteous state I was currently in? I should've fucking thought of that before I used his phone! Shit! Shit! Shit!

"No, I didn't call. I was sleeping before I answered your call, Byakuya-sama." Hisagi-san responded, confusion apparent in his deep voice.

Shit. I was fucking dead.

"Yes, I'm alright." Then I heard him move, as if he was looking around the house and stopped from moving. I knew it. I was damn sure he already saw me. "Yes, he is okay too… Yes, sir."

Then everything suddenly became quiet, no, scratch that, it wasn't really silent 'coz I could fucking hear my heartbeat playing a wild tune inside my chest.

"Abarai-san…" He called out.

I bit my lip hard. "Yeah?" I tried to respond.

"Are you okay?" He asked with genuine concern though a hint of suspicion was present in his tone.

"Yeah, I just feel a little tipsy. I'll go to bed now." I lied and immediately went inside; avoiding any questions he might ask. He probably had an idea that I used his cellphone but he would never squeeze the truth out of me and I promised that.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

I strolled along the corridor, my female assistant silently following me as we walked towards our destination. I was called by the leader of Seiretei to discuss an important business that we had opened in Europe. I was internally reluctant to agree to the private meeting, but as a businessman and a member of the organization, I had to responsibly fulfill my obligations.

We stopped in front of a large two-door entrance. Hinamori immediately hurried towards the door and knocked. The entrance was immediately opened by Sasakibe, Yamamoto-sama's right hand man. The old man bowed politely as I came in.

The leader of the organization was sitting on a cushioned chair, his favorite seat every time he discussed business with his associates. As always, I greeted and bowed to him before I sat across him. My assistant stood behind me, ready to lend a hand if ever I needed her.

"I expect Rukia to be faring well?" The old man asked gently, but with authority in his raspy voice.

"She's doing better." I replied as I fought the urge to cringe.

"That's good." And with that, my business meeting has started. It was a long conversation and we had debated on some things we had disagreed about a certain transaction we had made in France. We had also discussed on the organization's progress in Europe and I had heard some good news. Seiretei was not just a corporation, underneath all those successful businesses it had built; it was really a powerful Mafia organization. As to how the Kuchiki clan became involved with their activities was unknown to me and I didn't get the chance to find out since my grandfather kept it a secret from me. All I knew was that it was my responsibility to help it achieve its objectives.

After three grueling hours, Yamamoto had ended the meeting and had invited me to stay for dinner. I tried to politely decline and lied, saying that I desire to eat with my sister, which was somehow partly true… if only she wouldn't be adamant about going to Italy again.

Sighing mentally, the mysterious phone call from Hisagi disturbed me again. I was still wondering as to why I felt Renji's presence when it was impossible for him to call using Hisagi's cellphone unless…

My body instantly ceased from moving as a new realization hit me.

It was possible…if Hisagi was with Renji.

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**Author Notes:** Hmmmm... I wonder what should Byakuya do? Please review and thanks for reading this lousy fic.:D


	9. Milan

**Author Notes:** Hello, minna! I'm back and yes, I updated! I know I said I'll be updating my other fic, but I thought I'll update this first. Anyway, here's chapter nine and you know the drill: read and review. Corrections are highly appreciated as long as it's in a form that would not kill or hurt my plot bunnies.

**Warnings:** This fic contains yaoi (boyxboy), bad language, possible OOCness and grammar slips.

**Disclaimer:** You guessed it right, I don't own it.

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**Chapter Nine:**

**Milan**

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RENJI ABARAI 

The morning after my stupid phone call incident, I reluctantly went out of my room, afraid that Hisagi-san would be in the living room. I knew facing him would be awkward.

I carefully looked around the living room, searching for him but a sudden noise in the kitchen told me he was probably in there. I took a very deep breath and readied myself into acting normal as I went to the kitchen. I had no choice but to face him since we live in the same house, right?

Hisagi-san was sitting in front of the table; a steaming mug keeping him company. He slowly looked up as he noticed my presence. "Good morning." He casually greeted with a pleasant smile.

"Morning." I replied a little stiffly, forcing a smile on my lips. I instantly felt the cloud of doom shroud above me as I took a cup in the cupboard and poured myself coffee. Obviously, I wasn't doing a terrific job at acting normal. I tried not to walk and move like a robot as I sat on the chair in front of him. "Ya okay?" I inquired as if I was really concerned.

"Yeah. You?"

"I'm good. Just a little light-headed but I'm good." I lied as sirens and alarms seemed to go off simultaneously inside my chest. Hisagi-san was acting so normal but his dark eyes gleamed with something like suspicion, and that really bothered me. Did he have an idea that I called Byakuya last night?

I tipped my mug to my lips and almost got burned by the hot liquid. I seriously needed to calm the fuck down and try to know what Hisagi-san was thinking. "So…" I started. "What did Byakuya say last night?" I asked, looking innocently at him.

"Oh, he just asked if you're okay and…"

I felt my heart pound violently against my chest.

"If I called him last night." He said the last line with confirmed suspicion in his expression.

Damn it.

Then, he looked confusingly at the table, contemplating. "It was really strange. I remembered putting my cellphone inside my pocket before I got drunk and fell asleep but I found it on the floor when I woke up. Did you see me take it out of my pocket last night?" He inquired as he gazed at me.

I secretly flinched and looked at my coffee mug. "No. Maybe it fell out of your pocket while you were sleeping." I lied, thinking that I would really go to hell for the untrue words I was spawning.

He slowly nodded. "Maybe you're right." He said with faint finality in his voice and proceeded with drinking his coffee.

We were quiet after that. Hisagi-san was probably enjoying the peaceful morning atmosphere but that wasn't the reason I was silent. It was because I was afraid of saying something that might be the death of me, e.g. accidentally giving Hisagi-san some idea that I was fucking head over heels in love with his boss.

After a few more minutes of nerve-wrecking silence, Hisagi-san finally stood up and dumped his empty mug in the sink. I pretended I hadn't finished my coffee yet and stared nervously at the table. He then leaned on the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. "Hey, Abarai-san." He suddenly called.

"Yeah?"

"I think it's a nice, sunny day today. Do you wanna go out?" He offered politely.

I slowly looked at him, my eyes gleaming with hesitation. I was still not in the mood to go out but then, maybe it was already time that I force myself to do that and actually live my life. A small smile slowly made its way on my lips. "Yeah, sure." I answered; deeply hoping that going around Italy would make me forget Byakuya and my fucked-up yearning for him.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

I was supposed to ignore that mysterious phone call. I was meaning to consider it as nothing more than an error in Hisagi's part but a little annoying voice was convincing me that the phone call was not something I shouldn't ignore. I wrestled with the idea that Hisagi was probably hiding something from me. He had been my trusted servant for more than ten years now and I knew that it was just impossible for him to keep any secrets from me. But why did I have this feeling that something was not right?

Making a quick decision, I pulled my cellphone out of my coat pocket and called my secretary.

"Hinamori, I want you to confirm if Hisagi was in his hotel room in Italy last night." I quickly commanded. I heard my secretary reply with a quick yes before I hung up and continued staring absently at the documents on my desk.

Frankly speaking, I was not in the mood to bury myself in paper works and other business-related matters. The only thing I wanted was to go to Italy and ease this longing and worry that was currently tormenting my feelings.

I took a deep breath and held my pen. It was irresponsible to ignore my responsibilities so I decided to concentrate on them while I patiently wait for any feedback from Hinamori.

RENJI ABARAI

Italy was indeed a beautiful place. Since we were tourists and it was our first time to go there, we bought a map and a travel guide and roamed around the streets of Milan. Since the city was famous for fashion, we saw a lot of boutiques and shops that would probably make Rukia run around the streets like a mad woman. We also saw a lot of old and eloquently designed buildings and infrastructures that symbolized the city's rich culture and history.

We just randomly walked around for two hours till we stumbled upon the Piazza del Duomo, the city's main and most central square. It was surrounded with important buildings like the Milan Cathedral and the Royal Palace of Milan. There were also a lot of people, especially tourists that took pictures in front of the beautiful fountain in the center. I don't like taking pictures but at that time, I wished I had a camera with me.

After getting tired of seeing buildings, we opted to go to the Sempione Park which was a beautiful place by the way. There were a lot of tall trees and wide areas of green grass that made me want to lie on them and sleep under the clouds. There was also this large pond that reminded me of Karakura Park's pond, only it was way bigger and more beautiful.

Surprisingly, I was having a great time and it seemed that Hisagi-san too if the large, gorgeous smile on his tattooed face was any indication. After walking around the park, we got tired and felt hungry so we ate in this classy Italian restaurant that served great food and wonderful wine.

"I didn't expect that I'll be having a great time today." I cheerfully said.

Hisagi-san laughed lightly. "Milan's a great city. It'll be a pity if you'll just hide inside your apartment and avoid people. I'm really happy that you agreed to go with me."

"Hey, I'm not avoiding people. I told you, I was not in the fucking mood to go out." I shot back defensively.

"Yeah, yeah." He dismissed with a teasing grin. "So, where should we go next?"

I eagerly grabbed the guide and browsed it, looking for an interesting place to spend the rest of the day and the evening. My eyes almost literally sparked with fireworks as I found the exact things I was looking for. "Let's check out the National History Museum then visit a couple of bars and clubs at Naviglio Grande! I'm so in the fucking mood to drink tonight!"

Hisagi-san grinned approvingly. "Good idea." Then his expression suddenly changed into a very serene one that I almost imagined a halo on top of his head. I know, that sounded fucking corny but he really looked peaceful and happy at that time… as if he haven't had fun in a very long time.

"What's with that expression?" I asked roughly with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing. I'm just happy. Seeing you this happy makes me happy too." He replied.

I looked carefully at his face, at his expression, at his eyes; it only reflected truth and sincerity. For the first time in a long time, I truly felt happy that someone was actually concerned about me. "Thanks for asking me out today, Hisagi-san."

"Well, I needed to do it. I couldn't allow you to welter in your pain and misery forever, right?"

"Yeah, you're right." I replied, feeling hopeful that I could really forget about Byakuya. Looking at Hisagi-san's pleasant and hopeful face almost made me believe that I could do it.

After checking out the National Museum and learning more interesting things about Milan, we decided to go to Naviglio Grande. The area was swarming with cafes and night clubs that we couldn't choose which place to go and drink. But we found a nice place called Club Electricity. The place was decorated with dark and thick wires that ran along the electric blue-colored walls' edges and has this ridiculously big dance floor. It also has hundreds of colorful lights flashing all around the place and it plays really good music. Since it was only seven in the evening and it was Thursday, the club was not that packed but still, the atmosphere was lively and happy.

We sat in a small table in a corner and ordered some beer. Hisagi-san was reluctant to drink alcohol since he got very drunk the last time he drowned himself in booze but I told him that he could leave the drinking to me. After all, I did say that I was in the mood to drink and get fucking wasted.

Hisagi-san was also shy to dance despite my stubborn plea to dance with me, so I decided to go ahead. A lot of people were already on the dance floor when I joined in, their bodies moving and twisting in rhythm with the music. I didn't really like dancing and I didn't have the fucking talent in it, but I was in a different country, with strangers I didn't know and didn't care about. I didn't care if I'd make a fool out of myself in front of them so I danced as if I really knew how to. I just moved my body to the music and in five minutes, I already found an Italian woman who was willing to be my partner.

I had no idea how to speak Italian but I was lucky because the woman knew how to speak a little Japanese, although I had a hard time understanding her. After dancing with her for ten minutes, she introduced me to her group of friends and I was invited to join and drink with them. Of course, I accepted since I was having the time of my life. I didn't forget about Hisagi-san of course. I motioned for him to join me with my new friends, but he just smiled and politely waved a hand in thanks. I guess he really didn't want to get drunk tonight.

I danced and drank, danced and drank, talked and blabbered until I wasn't sure what I was doing anymore. All I knew was that I was fucking happy and numb and contented. My mind and my body seemed to be floating because of the alcohol but I still continued to drown myself in it, feeling happier as I emptied every bottle of beer that my new friends gave me.

The only bad thing about being too happy, time seemed to move so fucking fast that the next thing I knew, my new friends were saying goodbye to me and Hisagi-san was dragging me to go home.

We were waiting for a cab near the club as Hisagi-san supported my heavy body. It was funny that I felt like I was floating in air when I was actually leaning at the man beside me just to stand up. Damn. It was a good thing that he decided not to get drunk today.

"I… don't wanna go home yet." I slurred then waited for Hisagi-san to answer, but no response came. Maybe he was annoyed and decided to ignore me because I was being a royal pain in the neck. "Still wanna drink, Hisagi-san."

"You've had enough, and besides, it's time to go home." He replied while we walked. "I guess we will not find any cab here, Abarai-san." He said again after three minutes of waiting beside the street then guided me to walk somewhere.

I groaned and whined because I didn't want to move. I still didn't want to go home but my body wanted to lie down and close my eyes because I suddenly felt drowsy. "Hisagi-san…" I called just for the sake of calling out his name.

"Yeah?" He responded.

"Hisagi-san…"

"What is it, Abarai-san?"

I just stayed quiet, thinking of what I was going to say but my suspended thoughts floated back into thoughts I didn't want to remember and was trying to forget. "Do you wanna know who's that… that person… I fell in love with?" I heard myself ask. I wanted to stop myself but my body wasn't listening to my head.

"It's okay if you want to tell me." He replied, something in his voice was telling me that he wasn't attentively listening to me. After all, he was busy looking for a cab that'd take us back home.

I chuckled darkly. "You know, you know him very…very well."

"Really? Who's he?" His tone suddenly shifting. "Wait, it's a guy?" He amost exclaimed.

"Do you reeeeaaaally wanna know?" I heard myself say playfully, ignoring his last question. He was about to know, anyway. A bitter smile curved up my lips. I tried to look at him but I was too weak. I suddenly felt something warm and wet on my face. "It's Byakuya." I confessed in a low voice. At that moment, I felt that my heart was about to explode, like I was about to die because I was about to let go of all the pain I bottled up inside me. "I'm in love with your boss."

He immediately stopped from moving, probably shocked.

"I love him very much… but I was rejected, because he doesn't love me. He also hates me because I hurt Rukia. He said he didn't want to see me again… so I went here." I droned on and on, wondering at the back of my mind. Why the fuck was my face wet and my entire body dry when it was raining? "I tried… I tried my fucking best to forget him but why is it so hard? No matter how many times I tell to myself that I should, I still see his face in my fucking head." I dropped on my knees on the ground and heard myself crying. I was crying? But I realized I didn't care. For the first time, I felt relieved because I finally voiced-out my true emotions. It was like the heavy weight that my heart carried was slowly being lifted. I cried like I had never cried before. I didn't care what Hisagi-san would think. I just didn't care anymore.

Through my tears and sobs, I felt gentle hands on my shoulders, guiding me to stand up again. Those hands wrapped themselves around me, soothing me, sympathizing. I just let my head fall on Hisagi-san's shoulder for support, secretly thankful that he was there. He was just silent, rubbing his hands on the small of my back as I sobbed.

I didn't know how long we stayed like that on that empty street. I wasn't sure if it was already an hour or more than that, time seemed to move so slowly and I surprisingly appreciated it. After one month of feeling miserable, I somehow felt free… free from the emotions that bound me to Byakuya. Did it mean I could finally forget him? Did it mean I could finally move on? I really, really hoped so.

A yellow light flashed through us and on the pavement, signaling that a car was coming. I waited for Hisagi-san to let go of me but he didn't. He continued to embrace me as the car approached us. I was expecting for it to pass by but instead, it stopped near us. I felt Hisagi-san shift a bit and his body stiffened after I heard the sound of a door opening. I furrowed my brows in wonder and slowly pulled away to see what was going on.

Shit.

I felt myself being violently dragged into another nightmare as I saw Byakuya standing solemnly beside the car on that empty street.

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**Author Notes:** Dundundundun! Byakuya… Byakuya… gaaahhh! Sorry for the cruel cliffhanger(?) but I needed to end the chap there. Sorry! Anyway, hope you guys can check out Hell5Heaven's fic, Thanks for the Memories. It's a spinoff of this fic. I liked it very much, very drool-worthy, so I thought maybe you guys might like it too.:D Well, that's it for me. Thanks for reading and please tell me what you think or else… my plot bunnies will die…?


	10. Confess FreakOut RunAway

**Author Notes:** Hi guys! Here's the update and I hope you like it or didn't find it cheesy or overrated. I swear sometimes I feel like a goddamn hopeless romantic whenever I update this fic. Well, maybe because I really am. Damn… Okay, I'm gonna shut up now and let you guys read in peace.

**Warnings:** This fic contains yaoi/malexmale, bad language, bad grammar and possible OOCness; possible because I tried my best to keep them in character, hehe.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it. If I do, Soul Society would be a yaoi haven.

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**Chapter 10: **

**Confess. Freak out. Run away.**

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BYAKUYA KUCHIKI 

I've trained myself to be apathetic at all times. I worked hard to strengthen my outstanding self-control so I could properly deal with certain situations that required me to be stern and serious. Showing any form of vulnerability or weakness was always considered as a mistake for me. It was funny on how the disturbing spectacle in front of me quickly destroyed that outstanding self-control. My jaw tightened, threatening to break my teeth as I felt rage completely took over me, pounding my cold mask into dusk in a matter of seconds. I just couldn't take the scene in front of me. Renji... being held by Hisagi. The sight was something that made my blood boil in an impossibly fast rate that time suddenly moved so quickly. The next thing I knew, I was already in front of them, glaring at Hisagi with a promise of death in my eyes.

My right hand man looked shocked, his face pale as a chalk as if he had seen a ghost. "B-Byakuya-sama..." He stuttered.

I wanted to hurt him, if possible kill him for betraying me. Why did he lie to me? Why did he secretly leave the hotel and stayed with Renji? Why was he holding him? I could only think of death as the consequence of his mistake. I would never forgive him.

Then, I diverted my attention to Renji. His handsome face had the same color and expression as Hisagi, the only difference was the immense pain that clearly gleamed in his usually fiery eyes. It suddenly dragged me back to sanity and contained myself. "Renji." I heard myself utter, his name rolling off my tongue unconsciously.

Tears suddenly filled the corners of his crimson eyes, his lips twitching in a painful way as he gazed at me. I felt my chest thumping painfully as his misery became fully evident in his face. He tried to open his mouth, attempting to say something but he failed in doing so when his eyes suddenly rolled at the back of his head and he fell back. On impulse, I swiftly moved to catch him, my body singing silently in bliss as I felt his warmth. He fainted, his eyes were now closed, hiding every intense emotion that burned in them a while ago and his cheeks were now tainted with red, he smelled of alcohol but his unique scent still lingered through my nose. The harshness in my face seemed to vanish as I stared at him, feeling sorry for what I did to him.

"He's drunk, Byakuya-sama." I heard a deep voice inform me.

I took a silent breath and tried to calm myself. As much as I desired to punish Hisagi, I had to think of Renji's welfare first. I looked at my right hand man, still with fierceness in my gaze. "I'm expecting you to give me a thorough explanation of your actions, Hisagi." I told him before I lifted Renji and carried him towards the car.

I didn't know what I was supposed to do, but one thing was for sure. I had to confess what I really feel for Renji.

RENJI ABARAI 

I had a terrible nightmare about Byakuya again. It was the scariest dream I had so far because it looked and felt so real. I remembered Hisagi-san inviting me to go sight-seeing around Milan. I remembered I was so happy because I was having a great time. When night time fell, we went to this interesting club wherein I danced, made some new friends and got drunk. I remembered the bitter-sweet taste of the alcohol in my tongue and remembered the natural high it gave me. I remembered feeling so carefree that I told Hisagi-san about the real reason why I left Japan. I remembered crying on his shoulder, telling him how much I love Byakuya and how hard it was to forget him. Then he hugged me and I remembered feeling comfortable and good because of that. Then everything suddenly changed when a car stopped beside us and Byakuya got out. He had this dangerous aura about him and his fury was evident in his usually stoic eyes and face. It was horrible. I thought he was going to kill me and Hisagi-san. I remembered feeling all pathetic and stuff upon seeing his face again. The pain only increased as he gazed at me with those horrible eyes that made me want to die right then and there. Actually, I think I did die in my dream because I only saw darkness after that... and comforting warmth that enveloped me as I succumbed to it.

I tried to move and rolled on my side, feeling the soft silk of the sheets under me. I was slowly getting out of unconsciousness and chose to remain in the dark by keeping my eyes closed. I felt the pounding pain in my skull as the effects of the alcohol washed over me. I lifted a hand and rubbed my scalp in an attempt to ease the pain.

_What time is it anyway? _

I slowly cracked an eye open, momentarily blinded as light rushed through them. After a few seconds of being used to the light, I looked around and shot up.

Shit.

It wasn't really a good experience to wake up face to face with a man who... My heart suddenly thrashed like mad inside my chest, my eyes now wide in shock and my lips opened in awe as I found Byakuya sitting on a chair right in front of me.

Fuck.

Damn.

Hell.

"B-Byakuya..."

I suddenly had this strong urge to pinch myself just to find out if I was dreaming or if he was really in front of me. But at that time, I realized I couldn't move. I could only stare and get lost in his dark violet eyes that glinted with... what the fuck?

_Why does his eyes... look... different? _

I looked intently at his violet orbs and even blinked, trying to confirm if what I seeing was true and it was. Byakuya... Byakuya was looking at me with longing in his eyes.

_What in the mother of fuck is happening? _

I slowly shook my head and buried my face in my hands, wishing that I was still sleeping and this was all just another cruel nightmare. There was no way that he was there with that expression. It was just impossible for Byakuya to look at me like that!

I felt my heart banging against my ribcage once again and fuck, it was painful and seemed to be intolerable. But despite that familiar agony that swallowed my entire body in its suffocating restraints, I was happy. I was happy because he was in front of me and I could see him. I held my head tighter. No, this was just a fucking dream, right?

"Renji."

The reality of this current situation was suddenly proven by that deep voice. It has been a long time since I last heard it and hearing it again made me feel... Fuck. This was just so impossible.

"I'm dreaming. This is a dream. This is not real." I mumbled to myself, then a warm hand suddenly touched my shoulder. I instantly stopped from what I was doing and looked up, looked at him, directly in his beautiful yet strange violet eyes.

I was lost, lost for words, lost as to what should I fucking do. It was so hard to think of a smart remark to say and let him know I was faring well as he looked at me in a way I had never seen him look before. He was acting so strange... like he wasn't the man I love and left in Japan.

"Are you alright?" He asked, his voice tainted with so much care and concern it was unbelievable.

I knew I wasn't okay but I nodded anyway, still fucking amazed that Byakuya was really in front of me and was being nice to me. I forced myself to tear my eyes away from his mesmerizing gaze and looked to the floor, thinking and finally accepting the realization.

_Okay... so Byakuya was really in front of me, what should I do? Why is he here? Where the fuck am I, by the way? Does this mean that what happened last night was not really a dream? Where's Hisagi-san? _

I clutched at my chest, trying my best to calm it down as confusing questions flooded my mind. I slowly took a deep breath and tried to speak. "W-where am I?" I asked in a faint voice.

"In a hotel." He answered so softly my mind was reeling. It was so difficult to believe that I wasn't really dreaming. "You were drunk and you fainted. I brought you here." He explained.

I smirked inwardly. So it really happened... it wasn't a fucking bad dream. Damn.

"Where's Hisagi-san?" I immediately asked, worried.

A flash of anger flickered in his eyes. "I sent him back to Japan. Punishment awaits him once I go home." He answered with coldness in his voice.

"Wait! Don't! He didn't do anything wrong! He didn't want to lie and hide everything from you! I asked him to do that so if you're going to get mad, get mad at me, not him!" I explained, looking desperately at him, hoping that he would not do anything bad to Hisagi-san. Byakuya was a powerful, cold man after all. He could easily ask his lackeys to kill Hisagi-san if he wanted to. I would never forgive myself it that happens.

His brows furrowed to a tight knot, wearing his signature expression that he was basically known for. Obviously, he was angry at what we did. "I don't care if you asked him to do that. The fact that he agreed to your request was enough reason to punish him and how could you ask him to be with you when you're claiming that you're in-love with me?"

I stared, I blinked and I had no idea what else hit me. I was shocked to the bone by his uncharacteristic reaction. Why was he acting that way? I gazed confusingly at him. I just didn't get this Byakuya in front of me. Then, "What do you care? You don't feel anything for me, right?" I blurted. I didn't really mean to say that, it just came out when I remembered all the things that happened between us in Japan.

He paused and looked dumbfounded it was amazing, as if he just noticed that he was not acting like himself. Seriously, what was wrong with him? He diverted his gaze to the side and suddenly looked uncomfortable.

I looked down and felt uncomfortable as well. I was damn confused, a lot of questions swimming inside my head because of the current situation. I didn't know what to make of it. I was happy to see him again and even exchanged words with him but the pain was still there, tormenting my insides, screaming in my head that it will grew stronger because I knew Byakuya was going to reject me again. My hands balled into fists as anger flared up inside me. "Seriously, what the fuck are you doing here?" I demanded.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI 

Now, how would I answer that question? A couple of possible answers formulated themselves inside my head but putting them into words was harder than I'd expected. Along with the realization that he was angry at me for being harsh at Hisagi was the fact that my supposedly fearless self suddenly cowered in a corner, frightened at the possible failure that I might encounter.

I just silently focused my eyes on his, constructing the right words that would tell everything that I wanted him to know while he looked back at me, waiting for my response. Seconds suddenly turned into a minute and Renji finally got impatient that stirred panic inside my chest. He tore his crimson eyes away from me and sat up, carefully getting off the bed as his face twisted in pain because of his aching head.

I impulsively reached for his arm in an instant, stopping him from leaving. He looked at me with wide ruby eyes. "B-Byakuya..."

Again, I just looked at him, my gaze filled with meaningful emotions that I hoped he would immediately understand. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out of it as I suddenly found myself unable to speak, fear taking over me like a tidal wave.

Those wide eyes turned into slits, confusion and pain gleaming into them. My hope broken and shattered as I saw his jaw tightened in irritation. "What do you want from me?" He snapped.

I was fully knowledgeable that I was driving him crazy with my strange actions and believe me, I wanted to ease his pain and wondering but... I was afraid. Byakuya Kuchiki, heir of the noble Kuchiki Clan was frightened of his own feelings. I took another deep breath and gathered my strength. It was either I do it or suffer the consequences of letting him go once again. "I..." I heard myself say, a bit relieved that I'm finally capable of speech again. My tongue rolled backwards, trying to utter the next word but... "I..."

He gave me a really weird look as if I'd gone crazy which was actually the case, yanked his arm from my grip and stood up. Time suddenly moved fast for me as he strode towards the door to leave, muttering a soft "Sorry for imposing on you and thank you." as he walked away.

I felt my heart pounded violently against my chest, panic and fear striking me like lightning as I realized that he would probably be walking out of my life forever if I let him pass through that door.

"I love you."

RENJI ABARAI 

I was intent on leaving. Byakuya acting like a total stranger was freaking the hell out of me. I just don't understand why he was acting that way. He was giving me these foreign looks on his face that fucking resembled longing and sadness. He was Kuchiki Byakuya and the heir of the Kuchiki clan doesn't show weak emotions like that! I thought leaving and saving myself from further pain was the best thing to do but fuck! My resolved suddenly crumbled to a pile of dust and sand when he said those words.

"I love you."

...

...

...

You know what? Screw this.

Every part of my body suddenly shivered, the pathetic organ that resided in my chest called my heart palpitated like mad by the mention of those three beautiful yet unrealistically true words.

There was no effing way that Byakuya said that.

As I contemplated and questioned my ability for defining what was real or not, I stood there, in the middle of the room like a statue, unable to move or react. My mind just couldn't accept nor comprehend the idea that I really heard those words and those words were spoken by a voice so similar to Byakuya's. I heard soft footsteps approaching me, the subtle sound getting closer and closer. Then it stopped and the next thing I knew, a pair of strong hands gently wrapped themselves around me, a hard chest was against my back and a warm breath touched my cheek.

What the fuck?

The gentle hands tightened themselves around me as a deep yet soft whisper made its way through my ear. "I love you, Renji."

I bit my lip…hard. "W-what are you saying?" I tried to say incredulously, breathing was suddenly difficult for me. I had no idea what exactly was happening and my brain still refused to accept this warm body against me as Byakuya's, and no one could fucking blame me for feeling that way because the Byakuya I and everyone knew, doesn't act like this. "P-please let go of me, Byakuya-dono." Way to go, Renji. That supposedly harsh demand didn't sound like one at all.

He didn't listen. Instead, he tightened his arms around me that sucked the life out of me. "No." he firmly said.

It was so unfair. How could he say all those things and force himself on me after saying he didn't feel anything for me? He coldly broke my heart and tossed me away, made my life a living hell after his rejection and made me drive myself away from him in a foreign country alone just to forget him and then would just come here and say that he love me?. I was so ready to completely give up on him already but why? Why was he doing this? Just to hurt me again? That was just so fucking unfair.

Tears started to blind my eyes as pain only filled my heart again. I closed my eyes shut to stop them from falling and collected my thoughts. "Please stop saying nonsense, Byakuya-dono. I know what you're doing. You're just saying that to know if I'd already forgotten about my feelings for you. This… this nonsense that you're spouting is nothing more than punishment for what I did to Hisagi-san."

This time I felt him tense. Yet, his arms didn't lose its' strength and kept holding me, cradling me as if I was some important object. I felt him suck a deep breath and spoke. "Please believe me, Renji." He said, but that was it. There were no details or explanation on why he suddenly changed his mind and started saying things opposite of what he kept telling me before. It was unfair. I deserved to know the reason but it seemed that he had no intention of explaing himself.

I raised my trembling hands and bit my lip hard as I pulled his arms off me and ran away, out of that large room, out of that luxurious suite and out of that expensive hotel, leaving him along with my broken heart. He was confusing me as hell. How was I supposed to react when I couldn't figure him out? I ran as fast as I can, leaving tears on my trail as I thought of leaving Italy to get away from him.

I ended up in my apartment, taking deep breaths for the strenuous running I did for nearly twenty minutes. I immediately grabbed the phone when I went inside and dialed Ichigo's number, tapping my foot impatiently as I waited for him to answer. After a few more rings, I heard a soft click and…

"Hello?"

"Ichigo! Fuck! Damn! You wouldn't believe what happened to me!"

"Oh, it' just you, stupid pineapple." Ichigo replied dryly. Obviously, he was still mad at my decision to go to Italy. He wasn't in favor of it, though he understood why I did it.

I ignored his cold response. "Byakuya! Byakuya is here!"

"What the fuck? No way! Rukia said he went to Hokkaido for a business deal!" he screamed incredulously.

"No! He's fucking here and he just did the one thing I never expect he would do!"

"What is it?"

"He said he loves me!" I continued in a panicky voice and rubbed my forehead in distress. "C-can you believe that? He went all the way to Italy just to tell me that. That's just so unbelievable!"

"Hell yeah! That's just fucked! Maybe he lost his mind or something or maybe he was drunk!"

"No! He wasn't drunk when he told me that! But I'm not sure if he's still sane! A man like him just doesn't say words of affection like that!"

"So, what the fuck did you do?"

I slumped back on the wall and let my body fall on the floor. "I… I ran away." I answered, tears threatening to fall from my eyes again. "I was fucking confused and I didn't know what to do so I ran away."

"Renji…" Ichigo softly uttered in response, his voice filled with sympathy.

"And now… I'm fucking regretting what I did. I know I've already decided to let go of my feelings for him but when he told me he loves me, I couldn't help but feel happy. I was so happy that I suddenly wanted to continue loving him! But he was confusing me with his uncharacteristic actions and it seriously scared the shit out of me! What if he suddenly changes his mind and ask me to go away? What the fuck am I going to do? I think I wouldn't be able to deal with the pain anymore!" I rambled as I covered my eyes with my free hand, hoping that it would stop the tears from falling.

Ichigo was quiet as I silently cried. Seriously, I've been crying since last night and I didn't want to do that anymore. It made me feel so damn weak like I'm some woman. Heck, I doubt if Rukia had ever cried that hard like I did. Fuck. I was so pathetic.

"You still love him right?" The strawberry asked softly after the silence.

I took a deep breath. "Yeah."

"Do you believe him?"

"I want to."

"Then you don't have to be scared of being hurt. If he really loves you, he wouldn't do anything to hurt you anymore."

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**Author Notes:** Please, I know. Lame. Don't tell me. But still, I want ot know what you guys think so please review. Thanks very much for reading!


	11. Together

**Author Notes:** Hi everyone! Sorry for the very late update. I got caught with my GrimmIchi fic and I actually had a hard time writing, kyaaa! Spoilers! I don't wanna give spoilers so just read it if you wanna find out what happened after Byakuya's confession. Thanks very much to those who reviewed, favorite and added my fic to their story alerts. I love you, guys!

**Thank you to:** _renjisgirl12 / keadeblue264 / kriskascini / Black Lighted Clouds / HatakeLuci / sakura014 / shillanna / koreto-chan / Hatake Tsughi / HersheyKissesLove / x pink cloud x / whitebengal14 / Yukari Saiga / Mizuki Assassin of the Mist_

**Dedication:** For whitebengal14. Thanks for sharing your ideas and for listening (or rather reading) my ramblings.

**Warnings:** This fic contains yaoi (malexmale), bad language, possible OOCness and sexual graphical scenes.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bleach or its characters.

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**Chapter 11:**

**Together**

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RENJI ABARAI

Ichigo was right. Even though it felt surreal that Byakuya had finally professed his real feelings towards me, I just had to believe him. I knew he wasn't the type of person who lied or take his words back. I just allowed my utter shock to get the better of me so I failed to see the truth in his words, the candor in his face when he told me he loves me.

I rubbed my temples and tried to calm down. There was still hope. I could still go back to Byakuya and tell him I believe him, but I was so out of myself when I ran away a while ago that I couldn't remember the place where he was staying. Fuck. I continued to think again. If he was serious about me, there's a big chance that he would follow and look for me here in my apartment.

Taking another deep breath, I slowly stood up and went to the window. I looked outside the window, waiting for a shiny black vehicle to come by and park in front of my apartment building. I crossed my arms and hugged myself tightly, hoping, praying fervently.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

I felt a loud blast in my chest when Renji pulled away from me and ran away. I immediately felt bad for him, sorry and disappointed that my sudden change had gravely affected his perception of truth and reality. It was obvious that he was stunned and I couldn't blame him for that. I had pushed him away and told him that I didn't feel anything for him before, and then there I was suddenly telling him that I love him without giving any explanations.

I palmed my face, slightly agitated and panicking. I knew it wouldn't be easy to make him believe that I really love him, but I didn't expect this to happen. I wanted to stop him at that time but I couldn't find the strength to grab his hand and prevent him from leaving because I knew it would only make things worse. Though a small voice was telling me to give up on him, I just couldn't let that happen. It was too late for me to do that now that I finally found the strength to pursue him and be true with my feelings.

I swiftly strode out of the bedroom and into the living room, immediately sauntering towards the door. The three men that I brought with me immediately followed. They knew what I wanted to do and they knew where I wanted to go, so when we got on the elevator, we hastily proceeded to the parking lot where my car was waiting.

The driver immediately pulled out of the lot and out of the building, maneuvering the expensive vehicle in a fast pace. The ride only took fifteen minutes but for me it took forever. I was so impatient that I quickly got off the car as soon as we parked in front of Renji's apartment building and ran inside like I was out of my mind, which was partly true because of the current situation I was faced with.

I felt the pounding in my chest and head again, my entire body suddenly being overwhelmed with excitement and nervousness, deeply wishing that I would find him in his place and I wouldn't be disappointed.

I waited so patiently for the elevator, muttering a low curse once it finally arrived. I went inside and pressed the number of my destination, heaving and catching my breath as the elevator seemed to be so crowded with people when I was the only one there. The bell suddenly rang, the door opened, I was about to step out when my gaze fell straight into a pair of crimson eyes. Everything just stopped, even my breath and every functioning system in my body as I looked at Renji, realizing that he was in front of me.

His blood red eyes were glimmering with mixed emotions… relief, sadness, doubt, pain, hope and through it all; I still found his features beautiful. His lips were quivering, his entire body shivering as we looked at each other.

All of a sudden, I didn't know what to do. I was afraid of taking a step forward, fearing that he might run away from me again and yet, I wanted to take the risk. If he would escape from me then, I would do everything to keep him even if he would hate me for it. I just couldn't let go of him anymore… never again.

RENJI ABARAI

It was funny… that the words I planned to say once I see him again suddenly disappeared in my head. I knew I should say something… something to let him know that I believe him but I could only stare and shudder as I caught myself being trapped in his deep gaze.

He slowly stepped out of the elevator, his face getting closer and closer as he approached, his heat suddenly caressing every exposed part of my body as he got nearer, my heart playing a wild tune in my chest that sent my entire body shivering in anticipation and anxiety.

There was a hint of confusion in his eyes, as if he was thinking of what he should say to me. Then all of a sudden, he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him, tightly embracing me in his arms. I felt his entire body tense against my frame as he started speaking. "I apologize. I knew I should've explained myself before I began forcing my feelings towards you. When you left, I thought I could subsist without you but it only took me three days to finally admit to myself that I couldn't. I was scared of facing you again even though I was dying to see you, so I sent Hisagi and asked him to take care of you. But when I found out that he was living with you, I was infuriated and jealous. I quickly left Japan to go here, completely disregarding my responsibilities and doubts. And when I saw you being held by Hisagi, I was afraid that maybe you had fallen for him and had finally forgotten about me. I completely lost it so I desperately confessed my feelings towards you. Right now, I am only intent on telling you everything that I should've told you before and in making you mine. I don't care about my sister anymore or what Seiretei might think of what I'm doing. I love you and that's all that matters."

Fuck. I just stared into space, the tears that I've been restraining finally released themselves, freely trickling down my face as every word he just uttered slowly penetrated through my throbbing chest. I thought I could only hear him say those words in my dream but there he was, right in front of me, telling me he how much he loves me. I didn't know what to feel, didn't know how to react, I could only look and weep silently as I still tried to absorb everything that had just happened.

_Please tell me I'm not dreaming._

I still couldn't believe that this was happening to me, that Byakuya was really here and he just expressed his real feelings.

_Shit. I'm so happy I think I'd die._

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

It seemed like it has been forever since I last felt and tasted his lips. For countless days and nights, I've dreamt of having Renji in my arms again, my hands circled around his body and my breath stolen away by his passionate kiss. I was in bliss knowing that I could finally experience all this now that he was mine.

We almost fell on the floor when we went inside his bedroom, our hands desperate for contact, and our lips refusing to part as we tasted each other's mouths. Renji slid his hand up my back and tangled his fingers through my hair, pulling my face closer to deepen our kiss that was already profound in the first place.

We managed to get to the bed, breaking apart for a split second to fill our lungs with oxygen before clashing our lips together once more, addicted to this intense heat awakened by our burning passion and longing. I gently tugged at his black pony tail, releasing his long crimson locks to tangle my fingers in them. Then I pushed him to lie down on the bed, my breath caught in my throat as I drank in the sight of his flushed face, partly-opened wet lips and his glorious hair sprawled all over the white sheets, it's deep crimson color contrasting with the pristine pallid sheets.

I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly dry as I gazed deeply at him. I hastily took my neck tie off and unbuttoned a few buttons of my shirt. Renji raised his hand and gently touched my face, his fingers playing with the hanging strands of my hair, voicing a silent plea to be close to him again. I granted his wish and leaned over him, kissing him hungrily as he enclosed his arms around my neck and back, bringing our bodies closer.

I knew where this heated passion would lead and I didn't have any qualms on actually letting it happen. I've wanted to be with him for so long, yearned to taste his lips and body, and imagined how it would feel like to be inside him. I was willing to be a slave of pleasure and desire so I didn't stop myself from slipping my hand under his shirt, reveling on the smooth skin of his stomach and chest.

Renji moaned against my lips, his arms tightening around me as I caressed his nipples, tweaking it with my fingers. He suddenly pushed me away, sat up and quickly divested himself of his shirt and unbuttoned his jeans. I gaped at him, surprised and aroused as he eagerly exposed every part of his body. Then he ripped his pants off his thighs and shyly gazed at me as he sat there, in front of me, clad in nothing but his boxers.

I couldn't take my eyes away from him. He just looked so beautiful with his long, fiery locks falling gracefully over his shoulders, his cheeks tainted with a faint tint of red, his crimson eyes blazing with lust, his chest that moved seductively up and down as he tried to calm down and his slim long legs that begged to be touched. I wanted nothing more than to savor and caress every inch of his smooth skin.

A pained groan tore though my throat as I completely unbuttoned my shirt and divested myself of my slacks. I saw lust deepen in his red orbs. He darted his tongue out and licked his lips as I knelt in front of him, displaying my entire body, wearing nothing but dark briefs. I've never felt so aroused and wicked in a long time and the emotion thrilled me to no end. It felt good to finally show a side of my real self to the person I love.

I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him down on the bed again, covering him with my own body as I started attacking his jaw, peppering it with wet kisses. He automatically reached for my chest, his hands running smoothly over my skin as he moaned and closed his eyes in bliss.

RENJI ABARAI

Like a wild animal hungry for meat, I reached for every part of him I could grasp, eager for skin contact and heat that exuded from his body. His lips embracing my jaw and neck, his exploring hands that ran over my back and hips, all of those gestures drove me crazy with lust. I opened my legs, inviting him. Without looking or asking for its meaning, he perched between them, groans escaping our lips as we rubbed our clothed erections together.

"B-Byakuya…" I uttered, my breath caught in my throat as the sensation in my groin assaulted me with waves of pleasure.

He tore his attention away from my neck and gazed deeply at me, his hand which was on my hip, slid towards my boxers, sharply breathing in as his hand touched my arousal. He wrapped his hand around my hard cock and slowly pumped it, as if he was getting accustomed to it.

My eyes rolled at the back of my head as his thumb padded around the head, smearing precome around it. Everything felt so trancelike. I still found it hard to believe that Byakuya was really here with me and touching me like this, making me whimper in need and desire. His mouth travelled lower, his tongue dribbling a wet trail of saliva on my chest and enclosed a nipple between his lips, licking then gently sucking it. The hand on my cock, the hot mouth on my chest and the warm hand that gently stroked my side, all of those seemed enough to make me come. But I couldn't let this addicting pleasure end there; it was too good to have that moment end so easily.

With an amazing amount of self-restrain, I pushed him off me and straddled him, his violet eyes glinting with confusion and disappointment. I caressed his cheek and looked deeply at him, panting heavily. "I want to feel you too, Byakuya."

A rare smile curved up his lips, and then he took my hand on his own and guided it on top of his still-clothed erection. My heart skipped a beat at how big he was, curiosity nagging at me to explore more of him. So I slipped my hand inside his briefs, reluctantly caressing his length which felt so smooth and warm against my skin.

His brows creased, lust scorching in his dark purple orbs as I continued to move my hand up and down his shaft. The look of vulnerability in his face immensely amazed me. I even felt proud because I knew no one had ever seen the stoic and cold head of the Kuchiki Family like this.

"Renji." He murmured his voice straining and low. He pulled himself up and grabbed my hand, stopping me from what I was doing. Then he entwined our fingers together and brought my hand to his lips, placing soft kisses on it before looking intensely at me. "I want to feel more of you." He said, as if he was pleading.

I knew what he meant by that and I had no intention of depriving him of what he wanted, so I got off of him and sat beside him. Taking a deep breath, I shakily got rid of my boxers and allowed him to see all of me; heat seemed to burn every pore and hair on my skin as embarrassment washed over me.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

My heart was already beating fast as it already was and when Renji took his remaining article of clothing and displayed the most sensitive part of his body in front of me, I was certain I was on the edge of having a heart attack. Despite the frantic thumping in my chest, I couldn't help but lick my lips at the vision of his long and hard arousal, the rigid shaft was dripping copiously with precome. I swallowed hard and decided to do the same. I took my briefs off and laid there on the bed with him in all my naked glory.

His crimson eyes flickered with craving and I thought I heard him swallow audibly as he stared at my protruding erection. I still couldn't believe that he offered himself to me and he was about to be mine. I couldn't even believe that I could be this bold and actually showed him every part of my body. I reached out to him and guided him to sit on top of me, moans fleeing from our lips as our naked arousals touched. The sensation was heavenly and I yearned for more of it so I held his waist tightly and pushed him closer towards my hips, increasing the friction that sent pleasure through our bodies.

He leaned forward and smashed our lips together, his tongue audaciously slipping inside my mouth to engage mine in a fierce clash. His hands roamed all over my back, his nails occasionally digging onto my skin whenever my arousal would slightly slide over the cleft of his ass.

I wanted him. I wanted him so bad it was driving me insane. I wanted nothing more than to push my penis inside him and feel his tight entrance around me, but I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted our first experience together to be pleasurable so I had to make sure that my intrusion wouldn't cause him much pain.

I tore my lips away from him and replaced his lips with my fingers. He looked wonderingly at me for a second, and then nodded slightly in regard when he realized why I was doing it. He gently wrapped his hand around my wrist and pulled my fingers out of my mouth, only to bring them to his lips and suckled at them, his tongue lashing around my digits as he covered it with saliva.

I could watch him do that forever. It was such a poignant spectacle I almost thought I'd just let him do that, but my niggling desire was yelling at me so I took my fingers out of his mouth, pushed him closer to me and circled my wet digits on his entrance.

Renji breathed sharply, burying his face on my neck as I gently slid a finger inside him. His nails dug deeper on my back, his back shifting up and down as I moved my finger inside him. I knew he probably felt strange so I took things slowly, starting with a single finger until he got used to it. Then added a second and finally a third finger, moans and whimpers started to fill the entire room as ecstasy ruled over his body. He started moving his hips, meeting my fingers to obtain more pleasure. "B-Byakuya, take me… please." He moaned which made my heart jump with excitement.

I swiftly drew my fingers out of him and lifted his hips, guiding my erection on his opening. He kissed me on the cheek before locking our lips together in a passionate kiss, gradually impaling himself on my penis. His entire body tensed as he moved down, his chest heaving uncontrollably, his lips stopped from responding to my kiss as he tried to calm himself and continued to pierce himself on me until he reached the hilt.

I held him tightly, my eyes closed shut as I threatened to lose control. I had imagined and dreamed on how it would feel like to be inside him. I knew it would feel good but I didn't expect it to be more than that. His entrance was so tight, the velvety heat quickly mesmerizing me to let go and just thrust myself inside him with abandon to achieve completion.

He pulled away from my lips to moan. "Oh god, B-Byakuya… Byakuya…"

I kissed him on the forehead, urging him to relax and wound my arms tighter around his waist. I tenderly rolled us over so I was on top of him, slowly undulating my hips to get him used to my length.

He wrapped his legs around my waist and tried to keep his eyes open, focusing his vague gaze on me as he breathed heavily. I took his hand and tangled our fingers together. I pushed myself deeper inside him; his entrance clamping firmly around me that sent more pleasure through my body. I seized his lips once again as I let go of my control and violently pounded him on the bed.

RENJI ABARAI

Byakuya pushed himself in and out of me; the friction it created sent jolts of ecstasy running through every vein in my body, like liquid fire that made my blood boil further in lust. I held his hand wound tighter around me, moaning uncontrollably against his lips as he continued his frantic assault. Every thrust went deeper, every push hitting something inside me that made my mind go blank and my body singing in need.

Because of our swift movements and our lungs burning with lack of oxygen, Byakuya tore his lips away from me and leaned on my forehead, his eyes closed shut as he stopped himself from moaning. I could feel his warm breath wafting on my lips as he groaned and panted. I buried my free hand on his hair and whimpered, allowing myself to be a slave of this pent-up desire I endured for years, repeatedly moaning his name like a mantra as he continuously shoved his erection in my tight hole.

"Byakuya… Byakuya… Aaaahhh… Byakuya!" I cried as the tip of his cock bumped against that certain spot once again, finally pushing me over the edge. I saw nothing before my eyes but stars as my entire body shook with rapture and streaks of thick white liquid spurted between our perspiring bodies. My ass tightened around him, instantly robbing him of his orgasm as he too, reached nirvana and emptied his seed deep inside me.

I was happy… so happy that I thought I'd die. I thought that being with Byakuya like this would only remain a dream, but it didn't. It came true and I was utterly happy because he was mine and I was his.

He placed a chaste kiss on my lips once his moment of rapture was over and buried his face in my neck. With my hand still trapped in his own, I embraced him tightly with my other free hand, tears suddenly streaming down my face as I tried to catch my breath.

"I love you. I love you, Byakuya."

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**Author Notes:** Nyaaa, smut! It's not an all-out smex though but I was a bit satisfied with it. Since it's their first time, I tried to make it as intense yet fuzzy (?) as possible. Hope you liked the little fan service and please tell me what you think. Thanks for reading!


	12. End of Misery, Beginning of Good Things

**Author Notes:** Hello guys! Thanks for reading the last chap and I'm glad you liked the lemon. Unfortunately, I was pretty busy to reply to your reviews so I wasn't able to. Sorry! Anyway, this is the latest and last chapter. Yes, I have decided to finally end this fic since I wanted to work on a new fic and our characters are finally together anyway. So, yeah, I guess there was really no use to make their lives a living hell if we want a happy ending, right?. Sorry and thanks for reading this fic. :D Hope you guys will enjoy the last chapter and thank you!

**Thank you to:** Keadeblue264 / HatakeLuci / Hatake Tsughi / shillanna / renjisgirl12 / dragongirl5k5 / Mizuki Assassin of the Mist / x pink cloud x / Black Lighted Clouds / cynder81 / Hell5Heaven.

**Warnings:** This fic contains yaoi, bad language, bad grammar and potential OOCness.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bleach.

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**Chapter Twelve:**

**The End of Misery and the Beginning of Good Things**

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BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

For the first time in a long time, I actually woke up the next morning with a smile on my face, Renji's beautiful visage greeting me like a breathtaking painting as a few strands of his crimson hair cascaded down his face and neck, his eyes still closed and his body humming softly as he breathed.

The sun was already high in the sky and upon checking on the digital clock on the bedside table, it was already nine o'clock, a time wherein I was usually already up and about. I reached for his face and touched him, his smooth skin felt so good against my fingers.

He shifted a bit, his lips parted a bit as he moaned. His eyes fluttered open, still hazy but fire was still present in them. He blinked, a smile making its way onto his lips as he met my gaze, a small blush tainting his cheeks.

"Good morning." I greeted and shifted closer to him, planting a soft kiss on his dried lips.

He slowly responded and felt him smile against my lips. "Good morning." He greeted back once we broke apart.

We just looked at each other, silence lulling our minds and hearts at peace, our deep gazes mutely expressing our feelings and promise to each other. It has been a long time since I last felt relaxed, since I stopped caring about the world and everything about it, since I last thought of my own happiness.

I, myself wasn't certain what would happen now that I'd chosen him over everything I had prioritized before, but I was positive about one thing, I was happy and I would never let go of Renji again.

RENJI ABARAI

After sharing some short sweet moments on the bed, Byakuya's phone rang. He showed irritation at the sudden interruption and forced himself to answer his cellphone which was haphazardly placed on the bedside table.

"Hello?" He answered, his voice reverting back to that usual cold tone he used as the compassionless head of the Kuchiki clan. Then, he calmly climbed off the bed and grabbed his pants, struggling to slide it up his thighs as he got out of the bedroom.

I bit back a small laugh at what he did. It was amusing to watch Byakuya pretend like he was all composed and stuff when he was actually half-naked and had just finished flirting with me. Sighing contentedly, I rolled on my back and smiled like an idiot at the ceiling. My body ached like hell because we did it so many times last night, but happiness was practically oozing from my heart as the thought that I was finally with Byakuya ruled my head.

However, worry still nagged at me because of Rukia and what would my family say, but I didn't want to think about it yet. I just wanted to think about now and make up for all the times I couldn't be with Byakuya.

Byakuya went back to the bedroom after a few minutes, now wearing his pants and holding his cellphone with one hand. He strode towards the bed, his brows still furrowed in annoyance.

"Something happened?" I asked, the words fluidly rolling off my tongue as if we had been together for a long time.

A small smile broke out from his lips. "They want me to go back to Japan." He replied as he climbed on the bed and slid under the sheets that covered my naked body.

The worry that haunted me a while ago instantly came back, scaring the shit out of me. I didn't want him to leave and I didn't want to go back to Japan yet. I gave him a worried look. "Are you going to leave?"

"Only if you'll come back with me." He answered sincerity evident in his deep voice. I avoided his gaze and felt him take my hand in his. "Are you afraid?" He quietly asked.

I took a deep breath before I answered. "A-a little. I'm worried about their reaction, especially Rukia. She might get angry at us and…"

He held my hand tighter, his eyes radiating with promise. "Everything's going to be alright. I'll make sure of that."

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

We went back to Japan after three days. Happiness was apparent in Renji's face when we arrived though anxiousness was gleaming in his crimson orbs. We went directly to the Seiretei mansion, wherein the entire family and the whole organization had no knowledge that we were together and we would come back.

The car entered the main gate and the tension around Renji thickened as we drove up the mansion. He noticed me looking at him and tried to hide his nervousness with a crooked smile. The vehicle stopped in front of the main entrance and the driver opened the door for us.

The butler was amazed when he saw Renji as we went inside the mansion; happiness upon his arrival was clearly showed on the old man's face. We first went to Yamamoto's office, surprise apparent in the noble man's expression when he saw his grandchild and me together.

"Renji, you're back." He said, his voice sounded pleased as he looked at the young man in front of him.

Renji bowed immediately and smiled. "I'm home, Yamamoto-jiisan."

Then he looked at me, wonder swirling around his eyes. "And you came back with Byakuya? I thought you're currently on a business trip in Hokkaido."

It was a little difficult to provide a good and appropriate answer to his inquiry. I silently took a deep breath and prepared to explain. "I apologize, Yamamoto-sama. I was actually in Italy with Renji when I was gone." I replied truthfully.

Renji gasped and the old man's brows furrowed even more in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I went there to pursue him. I'm in-love with your grandchild."

Silence filled the room in an instant as we stood there, Yamamoto's eyes focused on us like he had just heard an offensive joke which he clearly didn't like. Renji looked to the floor and started fidgeting while I slowly suffered from heartburn. Those words seemed to easily roll out of tongue but I was actually nervous when I uttered them.

Then, Yamamoto broke his gaze and looked at his table, shock still apparent in his face. He took a deep breath and tried to compose himself again. "As much as I want to think that you are joking, the look on your face says you're not." He said with deep seriousness in his voice and looked at Renji. "Is he the reason why you suddenly ended your relationship with Rukia and went to Italy?"

It took Renji some time to respond. "Yes."

The room fell silent once again which made me feel uneasy. I knew that revealing our relationship to the family would be difficult but it was actually harder than I thought. I suddenly had this urge to explain myself. "I don't have any intention of ending my relationship with him if ever you or a few members of the family will express incongruity about it."

The old man looked at me. "I have no feelings of disapproval about that, Byakuya. I just didn't expect that my grandchild and my business partner would actually develop romantic feelings for each other."

I almost sighed in relief while Renji gazed at his grandfather with wide eyes, dumbfounded. "Then you don't have any problems about us being in a relationship even if we're both men?"

"Didn't I just say that?" Yamamoto replied.

A wide grin curved up his lips, his eyes gleaming with relief and looked at me. I just looked at him, face still stoic and expressionless. I vowed that I would only let Renji see me smile.

RENJI ABARAI

When my grandfather didn't show any signs of displeasure with my relationship with Byakuya, I almost died from too much happiness. Getting his approval on this was enough for me since he's the head of my family, which meant getting the entire members to agree wasn't going to be that hard.

The only problem left was Rukia.

I've already talked to Byakuya about this and he said he wanted to tell his sister about us. He was also unsure of what would Rukia think or how she would react, but we both hoped that she would understand. So after our meeting with Yamamoto-jiisan, he left to go back to the Kuchiki mansion and talk to Rukia.

I saw him out at the main entrance and went upstairs to see Ichigo in his room. He was scowling when he first saw me then broke out in an excited grin, slapping the side of my head to punish me for leaving. I explained about what happened between Byakuya and me in Italy, happiness clearly showed in his face.

"I bet you're happy now, pineapple freak?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I am." I replied then noticed that sadness that still gleamed in his auburn eyes before I left. "You okay?"

He looked down to the floor, his face looked like he was dying and something was grounding his heart to dust. "Yama-jii wants me to be engaged to Orihime next year."

I just looked at him, thinking what I could do for him. There I was feeling all happy because I finally had Byakuya but Ichigo was… Ichigo wasn't just lucky as me and worse, he was being forced to marry someone he didn't even love. I sighed heavily. "So, what are you going to do about it?"

"What can I do?" He shot back, smiling bitterly. "I can't do anything but follow, right? I have no other choice and besides… maybe marrying Orihime would help me forget about that bastard."

I agreed with him. His heart was broken and his life was ruined by a man he loved and turned out to be the enemy. Ichigo was prepared to betray his family for him only to leave him like trash. And now Ichigo had no choice but to follow what the family wants him to do to pay for his sin.

I ruffled his hair, treating him like he's some kind of a kid. He scowled at me and slapped my hand away. "Stop that, you pineapple freak."

I just laughed, deeply hoping that Ichigo would also achieve happiness like me.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

Rukia greeted me at the door with an excited smile on his face, immediately bowing to show her respect. "Welcome home, Nii-sama!"

I nodded at her and had this urge to smile at her as well but I didn't. My heart was frantically beating in my chest from nervousness and I was worried on how she would react once I told her about my decision to pursue her former lover. "Thank you, Rukia." I responded as the maid took my coat.

"How was Hokkaido?" She then asked.

I looked seriously at her. "I need to talk to you." I said instead. There was no use answering a question that had no specific response.

The smile on her lips, vanished, her expression transforming into that of worry.

We went to my office wherein the maid served tea. The room was brimming with an uncomfortable silence and somehow, I wished that the maid would take her time in serving our tea. However, she just had to finish her task immediately, bowed and finally left, leaving me alone with my sister.

I mentally sighed and proceeded into taking my cup, carefully tipping it to my lips to take a sip of my tea. Rukia just looked at it as if the hot tea was showing her images. I never expected that everything would come to this, that I would actually and possibly inflict pain to my own sister, but she needed to know the truth and I needed to do this.

"Rukia."

She looked up, her wide eyes gazing at me with confusion and slight anxiety. "Yes, Nii-sama?"

"Remember when you asked me if I feel the same way about Renji?"

Her confusion deepened and she nodded hesitantly. "Y-yes."

I closed my eyes and gathered all my strength into finally telling her the truth. "It was a lie. I'm sorry." I waited for her to show any more emotions but she just looked at me, still confused, so I continued speaking. "As much as I wanted to throw these feelings away from him, I can't deny the fact that I love him as well. I just said I don't because I don't want to hurt you. I'm really sorry."

Rukia blinked then avoided my gaze. She stared at the floor, as if she was still absorbing the words I just uttered. My heart ached deeply in my chest, feeling sorry for my sister. I would understand if she would get angry at me for lying to her and for taking the man she loved. And if she would really hate me, then I had no choice but to face the consequences of her anger.

She took a deep breath and gazed at me again, her eyes suddenly twinkling with an emotion I could only define as happiness. "I'm glad, Nii-sama. I'm happy you're finally able to be true to yourself." She said with a sincere smile on her lips.

It was my turn to blink, surprised at her reaction. "Rukia."

"I've known for a long time that you loved Renji and I'm glad that you've finally gathered the courage to pursue him."

I felt like I was in a dream, glee and confusion filling my heart at the same time. I didn't expect that Rukia knew more of my real feelings than me and that she was being very understanding about it. I realized that I was really fortunate to have her as my sister.

I couldn't help the small smile that made its way onto my lips, a rare smile that instantly made her face light up as I showed her how happy I was, actually showing her my real emotions after years of hiding it from her. Now there were two people whom I could only show my smile to.

RENJI ABARAI

I nervously paced around my room as I waited for my phone to ring. I felt like I was some man waiting for his wife to give birth to their first child but of course, I wasn't. What caused me to act like one was because I was waiting for Byakuya's call and I really, really hoped that he would tell me something good.

I was about to bite my nails in apprehension when I felt my cellphone vibrate in my pocket. I jumped and quickly fished it out of my pants' pocket and answered. "Hello?"

"Renji." Byakuya's voice floated through my ear, immediately soothing my raging nerves.

"Um, hi. So, a-are you okay? Did you already talk to Rukia?" I stuttered, I didn't want to sound nervous but I couldn't help it. My body was shaking and my chest was practically thumping wildly.

He let out a very soft chuckle, a sound only enough for me to hear. "Don't worry. I already talked to her and I can say I received a very positive feedback."

I let out a really loud sigh in relief, like a heavy weight was suddenly lifted off my shoulders. "Really? That's nice! I'm glad! I was really fucking scared that she would lash out and kill the both of us! Hahaha!" I said excitingly and realized I was acting like an idiot. I quickly cleared my throat and composed myself. "S-sorry. I'm just really happy."

"It's alright. I'm also glad things went well." He said with a certain glee in his deep voice.

"S-so… are we still going to see each other tonight?"

"Of course. I reserved a table and a hotel room in the Hilton. I'll pick you up at seven o'clock."

My excitement increased ten-folds. Today was such a good day and I was really lucky that things with my family and Rukia went so well. I fought the urge to giggle like a girl. "Okay. I'll see you tonight then."

He let out another soft chuckle. "See you."

I ended the call, jumped on my bed and screamed like mad on my pillow, extremely happy. It was only last week that I felt like I was dying from too much misery and now, it was the other way around. I was drowning from too much happiness and I wouldn't mind dying from it if things were this good.

I took a deep breath and smiled stupidly on the ceiling, contemplating on what would happen tonight on my date with Byakuya. Now that we're finally together, I knew my life would never be the same again. Maybe we would face lots of hardships because of his position and our peculiar relationship, but I wouldn't mind facing all of those if Byakuya was with me.

SHUHEI HISAGI

The loud ringing of my cellphone immediately woke me up from my deep sleep. I quickly opened my eyes and reached for it on the table, ignoring the comforting arm that was wrapped around my waist. I looked at the screen first and immediately answered it, my heart beating like mad as the person I wanted to talk to finally contacted me.

"Byakuya-sama?" I answered, my voice brimming with respect and hope.

"Hisagi, I'll give you one last chance to make it up to me. I want you to accompany me for a dinner meeting with Renji tonight." The sound of my boss' voice said, lifting my spirits up in an instant. After he found out that I lied to him, he threw me back to Japan and had suspended me from my position. He told me to wait for his call and I've been waiting for it for five days.

"Yes, sir. I'll be there." I quickly answered and waited for my boss to hang up.

I placed my cellphone on the table again and glanced at the small clock located not far from my phone and sighed. I still had less than three hours to go to the Kuchiki Mansion and meet Byakuya-sama. I lay on the bed once more, the arm that was around my waist, wound tighter. A pair of lips softly caressed my neck and a warm breath tickled my skin. "You finally got your job back, huh?" A low voice said in my ear.

I didn't respond and placed my hand over his. "I told you he'll want me back." I replied.

He chuckled. "And I was hoping that Kuchiki Byakuya would fire you so I can finally have you."

I just smirked and closed my eyes.

The man behind me groaned and started caressing my chest which sent my spine and skin tingling in pleasure. "I wonder what Kuchiki Byakuya would say if he found out that his right hand man was actually in an intimate relationship with an enemy." He said teasingly.

"You already know the answer to that, Coyote Stark."

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**Author Notes:** I have no excuse for this sucky ending and that little teaser with Hisagi. Seriouly, what the fuck was I thinking? So with that lame teaser I figured you guys already have an idea on what the new fic will be. I learned to like Hisagi when I included him in the last chapters of this lame-ass story and I thought maybe I could write another fic dedicated to him because I love him. I'm actually torn between Stark and Gin. I chose these two guys because they were already in Teal and Orange, both members of the rival family. I would really appreciate it if you can help me decide if Hisagi's partner is going to be Gin or Stark. I don't know what's up with Stark but somehow I feel he looks good together with Hisagi.

So there, sorry for my unnecessary last chapter ramblings and for the epically horrible ending. Thank you very much for reading!


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